yesterday was mother's day.  it was a great day and it is a reminder of how my family is growing....not necessarily in number (which is coming soon enough), but in age and what that brings with it. gone are the days of my struggling through mother's day of getting a bunch of little ones dressed and ready for church--and of course in my perfectionism and man seeking approval stage--everyone had to look alike with hair done perfectly. i made myself completely crazy with those days...there were many mother's days that i was pregnant, not feeling my best and was pretty much grumpy....i took on more than i needed to to keep my family 'looking' the part....oh, how sad that is when i think of all the energy i wasted and how hard i was on my kids, my {ex} husband AND, especially our children.

those days are gone.  I now only take care of myself and if the kids are not looking exactly like *I* would like them to look, i look the other way :) .  my deepest desire for mother's day is that we can all be together.  it does happen, but it is not easy.  with the growing family, there are times when one or another of the children can not be there, for part or any of the day.  i have one child that must go to another family and celebrate a step-mom, i have kids who have 'significant others' who must go to other families, i have kids with jobs--some being at churches--so that they must work on Sundays and another yet that works retail and must go by his assigned schedule....

one of the hardest things for me to grapple with as a mom of young adults and still young ones at home is the thought of having a family picture done, but not everyone can be there for the picture.  i tend to shy away from those pictures when all but one or two (or more) can not be there, because "we are not all here"...our family is not complete.  Now, as I say this, I realize, our family will never be the same after divorce.  it is bittersweet that our 'daddy' is not with us and has chosen that path.  it is VERY sweet that God provided a WONDERFUL man to take on the mission of my family...

i have to remind myself that early on, in the days of taking family pictures, that not all the kids were in those...the younger ones weren't even a thought at the time.  it is hard to do, but it is only the right thing to do...to take pictures of the memory and moments that God so graciously gives us....and know deep in my heart that we are ALL still family....even when others are not there.....this picture is the last picture (so far) of EVERYONE being in the same place at the same time all made up ready for pictures :)