braveheart coaching

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sing and dance to an audience of ONE

we all have wounds...wounds that come very early in life....and we all respond in different ways to cope with those wounds...when there is abuse, especially sexual abuse, the effects are horrendous.  I had years of it....and my means of coping was to make everyone happy, not stir the pot, so to speak and fade into the woodwork....my identity became what others said i was and what i could meld into to make someone like me or just not hate me~or abuse me.  i didn't see this for a very long time...it had, in essence, become my addiction....to make everyone around me happy and take care of everyone.

this went on for many, many years and i would like to say it stopped when i became a christian.  but the nasty truth of it was that it got worse...so, so much worse...i tried to cover the dirty-ness with appearances, facades, and works.  i was the 'ask ginny, she'll do anything' person.  i was known for my 'servant's heart' and my quickly taking responsibilities and jobs that no one else would do.  i was trying hard to make people like me and please those around me.  and i was miserable.  i thought my misery would go away the more i worked at it and the more i stayed busy....

god used some dire circumstances to open my eyes and heart to what HE wanted from me and for me....i have 9 children....after the 9th, i became pregnant with and lost #10 3 times....the second time, i began hemorrhaging and almost died...i was broken hearted, but the worst of it was that during this time my husband decided he did not want our family any longer.  i fought for 2 years and lost.  i had to ask my husband to leave when it became abusive...realizing our home had already been in that state for a long time, but was just now healthy enough to see it for what it was.....when 'the church' heard what was 'going down', i was given books to read, conferences to go to and advice.  and was told i was in rebellion to do ask him to leave (not intending divorce, just wanted him healed and to take responsibility for his own healing).  i also had to decide to put my children in school (which after 18 years of schooling them--was traumatic itself)....i had a battle in that~from the homeschooling community to the public schools~nothing i could do would please anyone....god began showing me HE was the ONLY one i needed to please....HE was the ONLY one that i would stand accountable to when i got to heaven.  it has not been easy~not by a stretch~and i am not advocating ANYone doing what i have had to do...but i do know GOD has led me this far and i have learned to not take a step (okay, I am still working this one out) without HIS telling me TO do it and WHEN and WHERE to do it.  I call it putting blinders on~like a horse with blinders...i have to put my blinders on to shut out the noise of the world and well meaning people to hear the voice of MY GOD.

today I am linked up with chattingattheskyaholyexperienceshout laugh and love and sweet shot tuesday