i am sure you have seen the movie 'the runaway bride'. if not, this is a good time to watch it....i plan on doing that today. i had seen it years ago when it came out, but apparently, it didn't make too much of an impact on me at the time.

i was in a counseling session the other day and my counselor jumped up and clicked on youtube on her computer. i was a bit confused on what i said that prompted this quick action, but went with it.

she pulled up a clip of this movie and, while the chinese subtitles were a bit distracting, i watched not knowing what i was looking for. then all of a sudden, i was a puddle of tears. this one section of the movie {and i truly don't remember this part or much of the movie at all} pierced my heart.

if you haven't seen it, or don't remember, this portion is about how the main character (Julia Roberts) was told by (Richard Gere) that she didn't even know how she liked her eggs. Her response was surprise and then the movie clips back to several relationships she has and the man orders her eggs for her.....and its always the way HE likes them...never asking her how she wanted them. The next clip is of her standing before at least a dozen different plates with eggs prepared different ways.

my whole life-up to this point-is of being and doing and acting the way others have asked, told or intimated they wanted me to. i didn't even know it.

i have been taking care of others' needs for so long, i have never learned how to take care of mine {in a healthy way}. there are many times when i don't even know what i like or how i should feel or what i should or even want to do in a given situation.

i would venture to say i am an empath. but i am not sure it has been beneficial for anyone, much less me ;)

when i saw this clip, i realized others have told me how i like my eggs...or clothes, or colors, or tv shows or, or, or.............what i saw was the potential to find out what it is i like, who i am, who i was created to be.......

taking care of others need and being who they have wanted me to be has been a survival issue. it is probably the only reason i am alive today.....i learned to play the parts needed to get by. but i am moving beyond that and i am having to stand on what i know and like and believe. and it is scary and raw and real and vulnerable.

and i am standing before many plates of 'eggs'....tasting, trying, deciding and listening......to my heart. to what i know is in there but hasn't been allowed to come out.

so....do you know how you like your eggs?