today is my birthday. it is a hard season to have a birthday, as everyone is partied out ;) i have {reluctantly} learned to accept this fact....and move on. this year is no different....except--christmas was a bit hard. for several reasons. and i have been working on my attitude....with little success....and my sweet husband has been stuck with me.....like that. he started spinning....trying to make my life better. poor thing. when will we ALL learn that someone's happiness doesn't depend on us??? it was my own doing and my own getting myself out of this funk. but. in the meantime. he was trying to make me feel better. he was asking if i wanted a party for my birthday and who would i like to spend it with.....

of course, i was very noncommittal....feeling pretty poorly about life in general...and me....in general :)....he asked again...who would you like to spend your birthday with??? what friends would you like to get together with? who ARE your friends? Do you even have a BFF?

WOAH...this stopped me in my tracks of feeling glum....a BFF???? NO...I don't have a bff.....hmmmm....

i had been thinking on this a bit lately anyway, so it kinda hit a bruised spot.....i see posts of Facebook about bff's and hear others talking about doing things with theirs, etc....but i don't think i have ever had one....well....in high school.....maybe....i considered her mine, just not sure it was mutual....

but. do i have friends? YES!!!! LOTS of friends....and if you know me well at all, you know i am pretty slippery where all that is concerned....can't see the root of that--and i am working on that.....but i have friends....

this morning... i wake up to many notifications on Facebook.....friends. friends who i know i could call on to help in a pinch. friends who encourage. friends who hug. friends who love me unconditionally. friends who minister to me in ways they probably don't even know. friends that i can go to level 10 with in half a second. friends i know will call me on the carpet--in most loving ways....friends i call because they who know my history, my personality, struggles and dreams....i have friends who i call specifically for different things...whether it be health issues, children issues, marriage issues, attitude issues, home decorating issues--goodness....even hair issues :) .... i hope it is mutual, but the thing that spoke to me during all this reflection is that

i don't have a bff.

i don't know that i am supposed to.

i think if i did, it would take away from my need for jesus. for my time with my family. from my heart toward my husband.

i have decided i am to have many friends...not just one. many who meet the many different needs to the many different facets of life......

i think every {girl} wants that one special person {another girl} to share life with...someone we don't have to catch up to speed....to just pick up where we left off. i am so blessed that i have several of those....i truly hope i am considered one of these kind of friends for them, too.