Tonza's story

I met a beautiful woman the week before Christmas. she makes and sells the most beautiful, simple jewelry. i was curious as to how she began her business and she told me she didn't know she had this gift in her until her mama died. her story is so encouraging to me. how we walk through our pain to find the beauty god has in us. here is her story:

Tonza’s Story

With today being 12/12/12 and the anniversary of my mother’s birth, I thought it would befitting to tell my story as it relates to the inception of the name Rubie’s Daughters (Hand-made creations).

On June 12, 2011, I received a phone call that changed my life forever. My sister Sherna (the other half of Rubie’s Daughters Hand-made creations) called to tell me that Mama was being rushed to the hospital. The call came in, I am guessing around 11:30 pm. I called my friend Vera and asked that she join me in prayer as I strongly felt that intercessory prayer was very necessary as it related to Mama’s healing. Sherna periodically called to update me of Mama’s condition. She informed me that the paramedics were administering CPR and later told me that they ceased the chest compressions as Mama had begun to breathe on her own (Oh if only you knew how much I praised God). Sherna called me back to tell me that the doctor said that it didn’t look good…. She later reported that Mama didn’t make it. What???? I couldn’t believe she had passed, thinking she only needed CPR. How difficult could that have been, I thought. Oh, how I had pleaded and begged God to totally heal my Mama. I could not believe this had happened-surely not after touching and agreeing in prayer. I wondered what really went wrong. Was it that Mama called for help too late or was it that I didn’t have enough faith for her healing? What was it? I had so many questions for God. (We later learned that Mama’s unexpected death was caused by what the doctor believed to have been a heart-attack. But that did not settle me enough). I still had so many questions within myself). After hanging up the phone with Sherna, I was simply numb. I went to my closet and pulled out a quilt that my Mama made (I later learned after going through some of my Mama’s belongings at her home - that particular quilt was called Seven Years of Trouble. When I inquired about the name of the quilt to Mama’s sister, (aunt) Bernice, she explained that it would often take people seven years to make as it was stitched by hand with very small pieces of fabric). I just curled up in a chair with that quilt like a baby. I was so grateful to God that I had that tangible source of comfort that He allowed Mama to make for such a time as this. You see the last time I had seen my Mama, who lived three hours away; a month earlier, insisted that I take the quilt home with me as she had recently completed it.

Mama transitioned to Heaven shortly after midnight (God’s timing is surely perfect). Mama had a flower that she was so passionate about- that we referred to as the Midnight Bloom as it only bloomed after dark around midnight. Oh how Mama enjoyed watching that flower bloom to the point that she would even have family over to celebrate with punch the blooming of the flower. Oh yeah, back to God’s timing, of Mama’s transition to Heaven; you see Mama bloomed in Heaven shortly after midnight (which was June 13, 2011). Wow- what a sovereign God we serve!

Sherna and I began crafting a lot. I mean a lot. Sherna had already been involved in sewing and some crafting. But I hadn’t sewn or done anything in the area of crafting for years. Looking back, I think Sherna and I both knew that we had to do something with that kind of pain, although it was an unspoken plan. The crafting proved and is proving to be quite therapeutic (And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose- Romans 8:28). So one day Sherna and I were sitting around, probably crafting and Sherna thought it would be a great idea (which later proved to be a God-idea) to start a business and name it after Mama, hence the name Rubie’s Daughters.

So often when I would participate in a craftsmen/art market, people would inquire of the name Rubie’s Daughters and wondered how I found the time to make so many accessories. While shaking my head, I would respond in a manner similar to this, “Do you really want to know? “ I would then explain that the creations were birthed from so much pain and that I really did not know that I had it (a creative side) within me. I would further explain how God took the pain and caused something beautiful to be birthed.

When I initially began creating things, I began with cloth flower brooches that I made from recycled blue jeans and other garments. I felt that marrying two of Mama’s passions were just oh so beautiful; Quilting and working in her flower garden. Hence the flower brooch made of cloth. I would later name one of the most colorful flower brooches “The Midnight Bloom”.

So today on my dear Mother’s birthday, I offer my story to you. I would be remiss not to mention my mother’s greatest passion; to tell others about her Savior Jesus Christ in an effort to win souls to Him. Because of her teaching and exemplary lifestyle, her God became and is my God. Since He is changing the verbiage and manner in which I share my story, I would like to share the scriptures that He has impressed upon my heart:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. (Isaiah 61:1-3)

God has shown me over and over again that little becomes much, when you place it in the Master’s hand. My heart’s desire is that when others see and admire my work; that they will see His Glory that He might be praised for the wonderful work He has done!

Tonza VaZelle DeBerry

One of Rubie’s Daughters

pictures

like all of america, i have had my mind and heart turned toward the tragedy this past week in Connecticut.  i have seen pictures of sweet baby faces that are now gone. and while this may look a little like self promotion, it is not.  far from it.  and i truly hope my heart comes through......it is an encouragement to all of us who are so busy we forget to document the small moments.

there is a story behind me taking pictures....and lots of them.  and why i have a love for family portraits.

about 18 years ago....actually 18 years ago this past thanksgiving, i had a sweet friend go through the unthinkable...she lost her 4 year old son in an accident.

i had just had my 5th baby.

i was heartbroken for her, as i know many were and i know we all would be if one of our friends had to walk through this.

and life moved on.  i am sure not for her, as he was her baby (at the time) and they had all been pretty banged up from the accident...physically and then most assuredly, emotionally.

one day, we were chatting on the phone.  i was {i am sure} communicating how busy and hectic life was for me at the time with a new little one.  i had mentioned to her that i wanted to get the children's pictures done while the baby was still little.  she asked me if i had an appointment and i said no, no yet.  she then told me to set the appointment and she would come help me.

i was grateful.  at that time, i had a newborn, a 2 year old, 3 year old, 5 year old and 9 year old. it was a task i was not looking forward to.  i accepted, no questions asked--outloud, but i was questioning her being so adamant about helping me with this.

the morning came for her to come help and while we were getting the babies ready for pictures, she shared her heart with me.

she told me that she had never gotten around to getting pictures done with her little guy.  yes, she had snapshots...but nothing formal.  nothing to really capture the moments and years in his little life.  she admonished me...to make and take every effort to get a family picture done on a regular basis.  because you never know what will happen and if and when someone in your picture won't be there any longer.

this was 18 years ago.  you think it made an impact on me?  lol.

there is not a portrait i take that i don't think about the words from this friend.  not one.

my heart just aches for these families that are going through such a horrible horrible time.  and it reminds me, as it does all of us, to hug my children, love my husband, share my gratitude for my friends and family and to realize nothing is guaranteed.  nothing is promised.

capture the moments.

eggnog cookies

eggnog is one of our very favorite holiday drinks. along with hot chocolate, hot apple cider, and spiced tea. hey...we love all holiday drinks!

and eggnog usually gets fought over.

i think these kids sip it like water.

but. i noticed we had some eggnog left in the fridge and it was about to expire. so. i did what any creative, cheap person would do....looked at pinterest.

i found a few recipes for eggnog cookies and decided to try them....

wow.

they were great! the family loved them and now i have to hoard the eggnog just to be able to have enough for the cookies...which actually is not a lot.

here is the recipe i landed on and have been using for a few years now

eggnog cookies

• 1 1/4 cups white sugar
• 3/4 cup butter, softened
• 1/2 cup eggnog
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 egg yolks
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2 1/4 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• Eggnog Glaze:
• 1 ½ cup powdered sugar
• 3 tablespoons eggnog

Directions: Preheat oven to 300°F combine flour, baking powder, cinnamon and nutmeg. cream sugar and butter until light. add eggnog, vanilla, and egg yolks; beat at medium speed with mixer until smooth. add flour mixture and beat at low speed until just combined. spoon onto un-greased cookie sheets. Sprinkle lightly with nutmeg.

Bake 15 to 18 minutes or until the edges barely start to brown.

while cookies are in the oven, make the eggnog glaze by whisking together the powdered sugar with 3 T eggnog. glaze your cookies warm or cooled and top with cinnamon.

9 little kittens who lost their mittens........

i have held on to these mittens for 30 years now....or at least 1 of each set :) i am not much on sentimentality.  i am pretty much a suck it up and move on kind of person.  i toss things that aren't needed.

except these mittens...for some reason.  and they always came out when it got cold and we would sort through them and put the unmatched ones and the ones that didn't fit any longer back in the box.

until 8 years ago.

in our kitchen, we have a huge window....ok...in the nook/dining area.  i love the light it lets in!  but it is a big, bare window.

during our first christmas season in this house, it turned cold.  we pulled out the mittens and gloves.  there was this huge stack of mismatched and too littles.....and i had a lightbulb moment.

why not use them for decorations?  I hung a string from end to end of the window and hung the mittens like a clothesline.

it has become one of my most favorite decorations.  and it's always is the topic of conversation...whether with friends or family....who's is who's and who wore that one and remember when's........

to fill in the empty spaces on the line, we even put our current, matching sets up there....its kinda funny when it snows and they are hanging up, to have the kids go get their gloves from the line :)  they'll even wear them mis-matched, which makes for great pictures!

i went to go find them last night.  they weren't in their regular spot.  my heart skipped a little.  remembering back on last year, i remember pulling them out of our ever growing box (that couldn't close any longer) and deciding they just needed to go with the regular decorations. we bagged them up and put them with the decorations.

they aren't there.

this brings tears now, as i type....i am going miss all those itty bitty mittens....one pair was from my oldest when she was 6 months old.  they all held lots of memories

i am thankful for the tears...it means there is a part of my heart that is healing...a part that holds on to things that mean a LOT....a part that is sentimental :)

i am praying they are just misplaced.  i have this feeling they ended up in a 'let's clean the garage and anything that doesn't belong needs to go' spree.....

whatever the cause for the missing mittens....i am so thankful god prompted me to take pictures of them....just last year.

and i am thankful for the memories these little mittens hold.

a little {f}unny

i have told this story several times, so if you've heard it before, just scroll on :)

i homeschooled for 18 years. during that time, the children were too young to be left alone for very long. we lived in mckinney, texas and there was not a walmart or sams close by (which is where all large families need to shop, lol). we used to make the day of it. it was a 30 minute drive to both, as they were side by side. most times, it took us 2 baskets to get what we needed. if it was during the winter, it took 3. one to hold all the coats :) we were a sight to behold, i am sure. all (at the time) 7 children, me pregnant with another and basket upon basket with groceries and kids piled in and on.

during this particular season, my children had gotten a little sassy with each other. one would say something and the other would respond with FINE....it got to where i was hearing this word more times each day than i cared to....and with an attitude.

so. i did what any good mom would do ;) i grounded them from saying the word. if they can't use it the right way, they lost the privilege of sayin the word at all.

and now we are at walmart. all three baskets brimming full, heading to the check out line. we are standing in line, when i realized i forgot something. i told the kids to all sit there quietly. i assigned who would put groceries on the belt and who would sit by the littler ones if i wasn't back before it was our turn.

i am sure you know this feeling.

i am across the store....speed walking as fast as a pregnant mama can go (not very fast, lol) and all of a sudden, i hear screamed across the way........

"MOM.....JORDAN SAID THE 'F' WORD!!!!!!!!!

talk about humbling.

When cinnamon rolls are too much

I found this recipe on Pinterest a while back and decided to give it a try. Oh my. This has become my 'go to' for any event. It makes a great coffee cake or dessert or just a snack cake. It's really not a ton easier than my cinnamon rolls but much more fool proof. 3 cups flour 1/4 tsp salt 1 cup sugar 4 tsp baking powder 1 1/2 cup milk 2 eggs 2 tsp vanilla 4 T butter, melted 2 sticks (1 cup) butter, softened 1 cup brown sugar 2 T flour 1 T cinnamon 2/3 cups nuts (optional) Glaze: 2 cups powdered sugar 5 T milk

1 tsp vanilla

With an electric mixer, mix flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, milk, eggs, and vanilla. Once combined well, slowly stir in 4 T melted butter. Pour batter into a greased 9×13? baking pan. In a large bowl, mix the 2 sticks of softened butter, brown sugar, flour, cinnamon, and nuts until well combined. Drop evenly over cake batter by the tablespoon and use a knife to marble/swirl through the cake. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes or until toothpick comes out nearly clean from center. Place powdered sugar, milk, and vanilla in a large bowl. stir until smooth. Drizzle over warm cake. Serve warm or at room temperature-or straight out of the microwave ;)

I usually make a double or even triple batch, but I always mix it all separately.  I just do all the dry ingredients at the same time in different bowls, then mix one batch up and pop it in the oven.  While that one is baking, I mix the next one up.  It works pretty well for me.

its just a house....part 2

continued...... we got to town early and decided to run by the house. as we drove down the street, i was in shock. this house was not the house i remembered. it looked a tad bit familiar, but not at all like the house i lived in.

i asked chuck to slow down so i could take it all in. then i asked if we could pull up into the driveway and just let me look. he said yes. we pulled up and a man walked from the barn to the house. he stopped and looked at us...hehe....you know that feeling when someone drives up to your house and you're like 'who is THAT and what do they want?'....well he had that look.

i introduced myself by my maiden name. his eyebrows rose up. i said 'i used to live here'...he said 'i know you did'....i told him about my friend messaging me and then he asked if i would like to go in and see the house.

of course i said YES!

we walk in, and of course i recognize the house, but it is different. it has been taken care of. Rick, the owner of the house, tells me of what he has done. as we walk through, i am able to recount the way things were, and what was here and what went there, etc.....he agreed with me and corrected me when i got mixed up...but that only happened once, maybe? i remembered with clarity the way the house WAS....

but this was a different house. it has the same shell....rick told me they gutted the thing. kept what they wanted and needed to, but for the most part, it was a brand. new. house.

rick did tell me that when they first walked through it, he noticed some things that looked wrong...he said he looked at his wife and said 'child abuse has happened in this house'...well, that shook me to the core as you can imagine....and I told him-yes. It did.

i walked room to room like i did 19 years ago. some parts held a bit of a grasp on me, but it was like walking in a completely different place.

rick also told me of how they took the house off the foundation it was on and moved it 6 feet to prepare a solid foundation to replace the old one.....wow....6 feet and then back.

the love this family has for this house. the care they took in re-doing it. the detail they paid attention to. it was incredible.

so. so beautiful was this house.

we chatted, and then before things became awkward ;) we left.

they did tell us they had lived in the barn while building and are planning on opening a bed and breakfast in the barn after the 1st of the year.

we got in the car, drove off and i asked chuck if he would drive around the block and let me look at it one more time. and again, he said yes.....as we drove up, i started shooting pictures....this is one of the pictures i got....

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on to the game we go.

i am still in shock over what i have seen and can not completely comprehend it. i am silent as i absorb it all. but on to the game we go :)

a friend from high school got us some tickets and we were finding our seats when another friend came up. she asked how our day had been and i begin by showing her this picture.

she said, 'that's the house that's in the football program'....i was puzzled and she insisted it was. she said, 'isn't it so beautiful??'...my response was, 'yes, it is, but you should see the inside!...it is SO incredible.'

god spoke. he said, 'that's what i say about you'.

i just wept.

its been such a hard road. and *I* know what i have been through and what *I* have done. i know the ugly, the hard, the abuse, the old junk. but he took me.... he took me off the foundation i had grown up on. the shaky foundation. and he moved me onto a firm foundation. he basically gutted me, LOL....and restored the inside of me...kept what he wanted to for future use and created something so much better.

i could go on and on about the similarities, comparisons and pictures he gave me that night and he is still doing.

maybe i will continue to share as it develops.

the last thing: he told me: just as anyone driving by now would not know what happened in that house, people who know you now don't know who you used to be. you keep trying to be the old house, when i made you brand new. let the old die. begin living in the new house i built for you.

i do know that i am hoping to be one of the 1st to stay in the bed and breakfast. i have asked them for that :)

i know there is deeper healing for me as i go and stay....and let god love on me and heal some of those old wounds.

if you'd like to see more of the house, visit this blog. leave a comment, if you wish. i know the new owners would love to hear what others are seeing and saying!! its http://horse-apple-hill.blogspot.com

its just a house.......part 1......

i have a fascination with houses...or maybe i should say homes.  i think because i didn't grow up in a home....i grew up in a house.  many of them.  growing up military, i was in 2 schools every year, which meant i was in at least 3 houses a year, depending on the time year we were re-stationed.  if you have read {or listened} to much of my story, you know that i was abused most of my growing up years by my step-father.  when the abuse was initially revealed, i was in the 6th grade--in California.  he was given a dishonorable discharge from the Marines, but never formally disciplined.  i was removed from the home but was soon placed back in it.  i am still unclear as to why my mom went back to this man or why the military didn't follow up with our lives, but things went back to the way they were before.   i am also unclear as to why we settled in commerce, texas.  there was a university there and my step-father got to keep his GI bill for schooling, that much is clear, but the why there is still a mystery. we moved into what my mom called 'a mansion'.  it was a fixer-upper.  i remember hearing plans of living there forever.  this was to be my home.  and it was in some respects.   because we were never planted any where for very long, this became my 'home town'.  this home became my home. it also became the place of more abuse--and a deep, dark time in my life

i moved out as soon as i could.  i was 16.

and vowed never to go back to that house.   it held too many bad memories for me.

several years went by and i had walked through some healing.  my step father had died years before, therefore, it was safe for me to go back.

and.

it was time to face some demons.

i got the courage to go to the house (even though every. single. time. i went back to commerce, i drove by it).

the woman my step-dad had lived with for many years still lived there.

somehow, i was able to knock on the door and ask if i could walk through the house.  she was very gracious.  i had never met her face to face--only heard about her.  i felt no urge to tell her how i had been treated by the man she lived with for years.

as i walked through the house, such a heaviness sat on my chest.  it was like i couldn't breathe.  i couldn't swallow.   we went from room to room and it looked exactly like it had when i left.  nothing had been done to improve it in any way.  it was creepy.  like a time capsule of my teenage years.

that house represented so much pain for me.  so much loss.  so much rejection.  so much abuse.  such a dark, dark, sad lonely place in my life.

i can't look at that house without remembering.

i have driven by that house for years.  and  i can always remember.

a couple of years ago, a friend from high school facebook messaged me telling me a friend of his bought the house and if i ever wanted to go through it, he would set it up......in my mind i said thanks, but no thanks.

here is what the house looked like as i remember it....some of the windows were boarded when i lived in it, but mostly they were really windows :)

last week, i had the amazing opportunity to shoot a wedding in arkansas.  i was led to do this job but not sure why.

it did happen to be the same weekend as my high school homecoming.  as a small town, this game has always held a special place in my heart-as i think it does others, too.   i haven't been able to go for many years. but really have wanted to.  so, this gave us an opportunity to head east and go to the game and then head on to the wedding.

little did i know what  message god had for me.

to be continued.......... ;)

photo complements of www.horse-apple-hill.blogspot.com

little did i know.......

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one day a couple of weeks ago, i was perusing instagram and came upon a picture that caught my heart.  it was the picture of an older couple.  the man is the father of a friend from years past.  a widower.  he has a girlfriend and the picture was of the 2 of them.  it was precious.  and it caught my heart.  i asked her if she would be open to me doing a photo session with them.  she said yes, but not sure when because they were getting married the next week.  wha???  i asked if they had a photographer, and would she consider me taking pictures of the wedding. as is always the case, money could have been an issue.  so, when god told me what to ask-- she accepted the offer.  we began making plans to get to arkansas for the wedding.

it so happened that my high school homecoming was the same weekend.

we had a plan. i would go to the football game, and then go to a bed and breakfast i found online.

i must admit, that i have been known to get into some doozy of deals.  it was a little unsettling not knowing what i was getting  into as far as a place to stay and getting to the wedding.

well....

little did i know that god had a plan for me.  being able to shoot this precious couple at their wedding was the bonus.

here are a few of my favorite pictures from the wedding-and more to come on the other plans god had

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this is the precious groom, being kissed by his daughter, on the left and his new daughter-in-law--but he calls her his mother-in-law....sooooo cute!

here is the beautiful bride getting all dolled up for her groom

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i think this may be my favorite...ok, i have a few, but this one cracks me up.....the groom saw his bride walking around the corner and whispered to the pastor 'where'd she come from?  this isn't how i'm used to seeing her'

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this is what all the kids did before and during and after the wedding.

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i whisked the couple away for a few minutes--to get some portraits...he was ready to jump in the truck and leave the whole shin-dig....so i started messing with him...i told him to nuzzle her neck just a little...he told me he didn't know how to do that anymore...she was going to have to show him.....it was so precious to watch this young {but knowing} love.

i told you he was in a hurry to leave.  i told him they had to cut the cake before they could leave on their honeymoon.  he got tired of messing with feeding each other and decided to handle it on his own......

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once things were ready to go ;) they hit the road.....

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and were so happy to do so!

and here is 'honey' explaining what a honeymoon is after this sweetie asked all about it!

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this will forever be such a special weekend for me.  not only being a small part of and watching this couple join two families together--two families that have known sadness and loss--into one big, giant family that now knows a new depth of love, but because of the other deep work god allowed me to go through while doing what he  put in my heart to do for them!!!!

rest under the tree

things have been cra-zeeee around here.  i have so many things in my head and heart.  i feel like like has been spinning out of control.  ever happen to you?  and.  God has me in a holding pattern.  i think.  i sure hope its Him and not me ;) i came across this picture earlier and it reminded me of the 2 trees....the tree of knowledge of good and evil and the tree of life.  my goal and the cry of my heart {and probably yours too, if you get still enough to listen} is the sit under the tree of life.  under that tree is rest.

when i sit here, i can hear God's name for me.  i can hear what He calls me.  i can see the purposes He has set before me. but it is such a discipline.  it is so hard to shut out all the noise of life.  of the 'what should i DOOOOOOOO's' of life when it gets crazy busy and crazy out of control.....

when i sit here, i feel i am to be walking --or taking baby steps--into a new direction.  i don't know what that is yet, but i feel it.  i sense it deep down.

how about you?  is your world spinning out of control?  do you sense a change?  do you need a change?

rest yourselves under the tree: and comfort your hearts

mucking the stall(s) and singing songs

I've been hearing a lot lately about how much people put on a face on face book and what is presented is the best of the best and not real life--kinda like those famous Christmas letters we all get ;) .  ok. let me ask YOU-- would you really put your junk out there fore people to trample?  i am {i like to think} as honest and transparent as they come....but i have learned the very hard way that i have to be very VERY careful what i share and with whom.  and since i post this link ON Facebook, i am opening myself  up really really big here....but....its the truth......

we have been going through a really difficult time lately.  God is good and He is providing, but.  we are now on our 13th week without a regular paycheck....we really haven't had one, but we have been blessed by some unexpected income...which is what i know God has used to provide moment by moment for us.

and

i have to be honest.  when things get tough and the refining process heats up, the impurities in me begin bubbling up and its not so pretty.  i have to battle lots of lies and old patterns of thinking.  well.  i also wish i could say i recognize it and jump on it before it gets me pinned down...but the reality is....i am usually a week or two later into the whole process when i begin thinking 'what's WRONG with me????'.....then i realize that the problem is that i lose sight of who i am and WHO'S i am....

thats when the mucking starts....i have to get out all the cr@p that i have let in and build up....it takes much shoveling and hard work....sifting out the lies from the truth....

and it is very difficult to do it alone....

and that's where relationship comes in.....

I have 2 very wise men who speak regularly into my life.  (really there are more, because my hubby is VERY wise and speaks REGULARLY into my life) but i have heard these 2 men speak of God putting a song in your heart...that the song was put there when he first thought of you {and me}. also, from the beginning, another song starts to be sung trying to get us to follow it and sing that song.  its not God's song.

when we forget the song god put in our heart, our friends.  our true friends will sing the song until we hear it again and can follow that tune.

i am so grateful for friends who do that.  i am grateful i have friends that trust me to do that for them when they can't hear the song in their heart.

ladies coffee and coffee punch!

about a year ago, i got this picture in my head of women all over my house....but they weren't talking to me....they were talking to each other.....in groups of 2 or 3..... i asked God what that was about....what he said to me was this....your home is to be a place that is safe for women to come to and to visit with each other and 'network'....the network word got me....because i feel like the whole 'network marketing' thing has over used and abused....so i asked again what that meant.....he said that we all have something that is 'marketable and needed' and that there is something in each of us that another will not have....and that we are to network together to help each other become all He intended for us to be but can't without others' help.

so

i decided to begin a ladies coffee in my home....it started out to be each month, but that because too hard around the holidays and working around other ministries i serve in.

so

i had to let go of the perfectionistic tendencies i have about fulfilling a commitment i had made to others...and let go of the idea that i could make this happen each month.

and

it has been great!

it has been a great opportunity for me to meet new ladies, love on old and new friends and let them love on me....i can walk around the house during those few hours everyone is here and see people laughing, crying, praying, hugging, reading and of course talking :)

hit and miss it may be, but we have it.  rain or shine.....2 people or 20 people....God knows who needs to be here and i am learning to trust Him in all things....

even with the food ;)

sometimes there i have plenty to make plenty and sometimes i have to let my pride go and let everyone know that its up to them ;)  i will have coffee, but if they want to eat, they need to help.  and every time we have more than enough.....even enough for my kids to have the leftovers and that has become one of their favorite things i do :)  they even help clean up before hand.

it is the perfect time for me to try new recipes and to make things i like little amounts, but don't want to eat the WHOLE thing...ya know???

this last time i made a coffee punch.  i had found this recipe a long, long time ago and make it for showers, parties, etc.  it is soooo yummy!  my kids beg me to make double batches so there is enough for them, but i hesitate to do that because the coffee used is so strong, that i don't think i can handle all of them on that amount of caffeine.

this is a recipe worth keeping for those times you need a punch and you are tired of the ginger-ale stand by.....

coffee punch

• 1 gallon strong coffee
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 quart whipping cream
• 1 gallon ice cream
• chocolate for shaving

brew the coffee and add sugar.  chill.  when ready to serve, combine in a BIG, huge, ginormous bowl, the whipping cream and ice cream.  stir gently to mix.  shave chocolate on top.....

sip slowly.....if you can :)

see you next time at ladies coffee!!!!

getting a little home made around here.......

i have always been interested in doing things the hard way the natural way.  and if i can do it where it is cheaper easier on the grocery bill....i am ALL IN.  i have been making my own {insert whatever comes to mind} for a while.  clothes, bread, cakes, brownies, dog biscuits ;)....you name it, i have tried it.  i have become more interested in what goes ON the skin verses IN the body recently...not that i am not interested in what goes in...i have been for a LONG time.  but we have had a hard time with finding things that don't irritate some of the more sensitive bodies around here......so.  with the help of pinterest, i decided to make my way to body wash and lotion. we love both of these things.  the body wash took a little getting used to and i am ready to make my next batch and will experiment with it, but the sensitive ones around here LOVE it.  they thought it was weird at first and was determined not to like it, but when they ran low, they came a runnin!

the lotion has been wonderful!  we just got back from the dry mountain air and it was a God-send for those chapped legs and arms.  i just made a new batch today to replenish what we used up.

i will post the recipes below, and as always, i will first post how written and then add my own touches ;)

It is getting harder and harder to find an all natural lotion these days. If you suffer from dry, sensitive skin, or have a child with eczema, you know how important it is to find a rich, natural lotion that has nourishing properties in it. Here is a recipe for an easy to make lotion with a coconut oil base. It is perfect for dry, sensitive skin types.

coconut oil lotion

Difficulty: Easy Instructions Things You'll Need

1/4 Cup Distilled water 3/4 Cup Extra Virgin Coconut Oil--i used half coconut oil and half almond oil....made easier by doubling the recipe 2 Tbsp beeswax, either grated or in pellets 1 tsp essential oil, such as lavender or rose--I used a 'creative blend' i found at sprouts 1/2 Cup Aloe Vera Gel 1.  MELT YOUR BEESWAX This first step is to melt the beeswax. Skin care products with beeswax as a main ingredient are much more nourishing to the skin. You will want to melt beeswax in a double boiler over medium heat. First, place your beeswax, either grated or in pellets, in a small pot. Place the small pot inside a medium pot filled about half way up with water. Gradually heat the beeswax over medium heat until it is just melted. then, remove the small pot from the heat source. 2.  COMBINE THE OIL WITH THE WAX Next, you will want to combine your oil with your wax. The oil you will be using should be Extra Virgin Coconut Oil. This is the best coconut oil available, and will make your lotion rich and creamy. You can find Extra Virgin Coconut Oil at any health food store or natural foods market. Add the coconut oil into the same pot that contains your melted beeswax, and stir until the coconut oil has melted and is combined with the beeswax. Set this aside. 3.  HEAT YOUR WATER In another pot, heat the distilled water until it is around the same temperature as the oil and wax. You can test this by using a candy thermometer. Once the ingredients are at the same temperature, you are ready to blend them together. 4.   BLEND INTO LOTION Pour your oil and wax mixture, along with your distilled water, into a blender. Blend on low for abut 1 minute. Gradually pour in the Aloe Vera and the essential oil you have chosen, and blend on high for around 2 minutes. You will be amazed at the results! Your handmade coconut oil lotion will be creamy and thick...just like a professional lotion! 5.  HANDMADE COCONUT LOTION FOR EVERYONE! Now that you have successfully created your own coconut oil lotion, you will want to share it with your friends and family. Fill small glass containers or bottles with your lotion to give as gifts. Your handmade coconut lotion will make a great gift for any occasion. Grandmothers especially love the soothing qualities of the coconut oil, and will love to use it knowing that you made it yourself!

homemade body wash

1/2 gallon distilled water 2 cups grated soap 2 Tbsp Vegetable Glycerin oil Minerals, colors and scents as desired

Melt 2 cups grated soap in 1/2 gallon distilled water  along with 2TBSP of Vegetable Glycerin oil.  Add scent or color if desired, which it wasn't for us - the simpler the better.

We poured it into mason jars and let it cool. It solidified into a fairly thick substance, which scared me at first, but after shaking it up a bit, it is the perfect consistency. One jar at a time gets poured into an old body wash bottle and there ya go.

a work of {he}arts

i have started what i hope to be a new 'community' blog.  a blog where others can share what god is doing in their hearts....the work they do from their hearts.....i would love to have you join us.  if you have a gift, a ministry, a craft that is a work from your heart that god has blessed you with, will you email me and tell me about it.....

you can see the beginning work here.....

walking with a limp

for years, i walked around with my woundedness like a coat over me.  i knew it and didn't know it at the same time.  when you come from {years of} abuse at such a young age, you tend to stay in it--its comfortable. it wears well.  or you think.  i  had a chip on my shoulder, had a downcast countenance and pretty much was a miserable person.  i was walking around as a cripple. as god continued to pursue my heart, things began to heat up....i was on a slow burn (as in burn out)...had 9 children, i was homeschooling them and working part time at our church. our home was also for sale.

that's when i discovered a relative on my husband's side had abused 3 of my girls.  i was devastated.  i then miscarried...not one, but 3 babies.  in 2 years.  i was a mess.  god used all of this to get my attention....and to began healing me.

therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her ~hosea 2:14

god slowly began showing himself to me....who he is and who i am in his eyes.

i was in counseling at this time and my counselor said to me at one point (and several times after that) that i would always walk with a limp.  the picture i had is of a broken bone that had not been set correctly....not a pretty picture. at the same time...it looked better than being a cripple........but i wanted COMPLETE healing.....

i have struggled with that thought throughout the years since he said that, and more so lately.  it has seemed to me that to proclaim that means i wouldn't  walk in complete healing.  that i am discounting what god has done in my life.

and then...this came to mind....2 Corinthians 1:4:  he comforts (or heals) us when we are in trouble, so that we can share this same comfort (or healing) with others in trouble.

i hate what i have had to walk through.  i hate that my children have had to suffer at my hands and those that i have placed in their lives.

and.

i wouldn't change it.  not for a second.  because it has made me (and in the process of my children) what i am now.  and i don't ever want to forget what it was like to walk in darkness and pain.  i don't ever want to tell someone how to walk through something to get to the other side without empathy and the willingness to walk through it with them....

for that to be possible {for me}, i have to remember....not stay in the pain, but remember what it was like.

i am reminded constantly how fragile i can be...without god's hand and healing...how quickly i revert to old thinking and old ways of dealing with pain.....

and while i am not walking crippled any longer, i do walk with a limp.

as i walk a little differently than those around me, i am reminded of the power of god in my life....how much he saved me from, how much he healed me of....and that he so graciously left the memories to never forget where i have journeyed from and where my help comes from.....

i will forever be grateful for it.....

chicken enchiladas

i am sitting in the midst of chaos.....getting new carpet upstairs, so the whole downstairs is full of upstairs furniture.  it is so crowded that we can't hardly move. so.

what do we decide to do?

cook.

don't ask me why, but we are relegated to the dining room and kitchen, so we are eating ;)

we are having a birthday dinner and a going away dinner for my oldest son tomorrow night (that is a whole 'bother story...for later)....and gretchen decided she wanted to make the dessert{s}...yes....3 to be exact...and not too small or easy ones, i might add.

i had to look up some recipes for her to get ingredients...to go to the store.  yep.  we didn't even have any ingredients to make the things she wanted to make.  o.  well.

and now.  we are on the 2nd trip to the store.....but, i digress.

i had to look up these recipes.  to do that, the old recipe book has to be pulled out.  this book has some history to it.  i think i bought it about 20 years ago to 'organize' my recipes.  it worked.  for a while.  then it got out of control.

it always happens....i find recipes i have forgotten about.  recipes that bring back great {and not so great} memories.  recipes that i have intended on trying.

and i found this one.   chicken enchiladas.  it has a great story.  the recipe is from my friend gail.  gail has been such a great friend.  when this recipe surfaced at our house was when gail came in to take care of me after the birth of my last living baby.

for those who might not know.  i am pretty much on my own as far as family goes.  i have been on my own with each of my babies and with the last 2 being 16 months apart and husband working, i needed help.  so, gail came in for the week and became my doula.  she took care of me, she helped take care of reagan needing cosmetic surgery right after birth, she did laundry, helped with homeschooling the others, and brought recipes.

great recipes.  recipes we still love. my kids will still talk about 'that dish that mrs. ferguson made' ....{side note: it was always a running joke that we could get our kids to eat anything if we claimed it came from another mother-as long as it wasn't 'ours'}

so.  she made chicken enchiladas for us and they became an instant favorite.  and they are soooo easy! they are pictured above...and i will type it out just like it is written.....

chicken enchiladas

boil chicken.  chop and shred chicken.  add 1 package taco seasoning, 1 can chopped green chilies, 1 cup shredded cheese.  mix well.  roll meat mixture in flour tortilla.  secure with toothpick.  place in greased casserole dish.  pour whipping cream (1/2 pint) over enchiladas.  bake at 350 for 25 minutes.  remove from oven and garnish with green onions, lettuce and tomatoes.

now.  i will tell you what i do ;)

i do all that, except i blend the green chilies up.  my kids do NOT like the texture of them in anything.  i also don't secure with a toothpick...too much of a hassle.  and then i use more whipping cream.  we like them juicy ;)  we also top with a tomatillo sauce the that gail's sweet husband made up....and we serve it with a big green salad and chips and salsa. that's it.  makes a great dinner!  i also usually have left over chicken mixture, so i freeze it for another meal.  the left over enchiladas are really pretty good too!

tomatillo sauce

• 1 jar herdez salsa verde
• 1 clove garlic
• 1 bunch cilantro
• 1 ripe avocado

blend all ingredients together.  try to keep out of it til its time to eat.

what's your 10?

one day, i was perusing through some recommended reading materials...if you have looked on my blog for any length of time, you know that books and reading are one of my vices favorite things.....i saw a book that piqued my interest....it was called 'the confident woman'...didn't notice who it wrote it, but it was imprinted in my memory.  a couple of days later, i was at walmart, in the books (i told you it could be problematic :) )  out jumps a book named 'the confident woman' ...it was by joyce meyer.  i thought, this has to be god....i'm getting the book ;)  I took it home and began reading....i was blown away....i will paraphrase what she said in the 1st chapter....ok...maybe i will copy it......

Confident people do not concentrate on their weaknesses; they develop and maximize their strengths.

For example, on a scale of 1-10, I might be a 3 when it comes to playing the piano.   Now, if I were to practice long and hard--and if my husband could put up with the racket--I could, maybe, transform myself into a middle of the road, level-5 pianist.  However, as a public speaker, I might be an 8.  So, if I invested my time and effort into this ability, I might just be able to get to a level 10.  When you look at it this way, it's easy to see where you need to invest your efforts.

The world is not hungry for mediocrity.  We really don't need a bunch of 4s and 5s running around doing an average job in life.  This world needs 10s.  I believe everyone can be a 10 at something.

i actually had to stop reading at that spot.  i was overwhelmed with the impression that from this that god made everyone to be a 10 at something....and i was struggling--ok...i still am....with what god intended for me when he thought of me....what he made me a 10 at....

now, i have to tell you the rest of the story of the book.  although i stopped reading this book (and still haven't gone further than the first chapter), i found that the book i was originally looking for was by another author.  i did end up getting that book, and it was great, also.  but for some reason, god wanted me to get this message....this was over 2 years ago....it has stayed with me and has caused me to cry out in ways i haven't before.

the point of all this is....if god made me (and you) a 10 at something....what is it?  I have, in the past, labeled myself a 'jack of all trades, master of none'.....i can do so many things, but none feel like they are the 10.....i truly want to lay down anything that is keeping me from becoming all that god wants me to be....

in starting this new blog....my heart (and i believe the heart of god) is to allow this to become a place where you and i can look for that 10....you may already have it....and if you do, i would love to hear about it...and i know many others would, too!  if you have a gift, a talent, anything that god has gifted you with and you would like to share it, please let me know! i would love for this to become a place of encouragement, whether by words spoken in the blog itself, comments, or supporting each other in the endeavor of finding that 10 that god made in you and me.  i hope this to become a place of passion....of sharing things that you are passionate about, that i am passionate about and ultimately that god is passionate about......

just a small town girl........

having spent most of my growing up years in a very small town, i do consider myself a small town girl....but being isolated from others due to abuse that was rampant in our home, i didn't really get the benefits of the relationships and connections that a small town brings.  i tend to be a loner...an isolator--learned behavior that i am in the process of changing daily, it seems.  from a distance i saw the connections....the families that spent time together.  even now, through Facebook, i see how my classmates were connected when they were younger, in ways i had no clue of.  i was a small fish in a small pond...or it seemed to me.

once out of high school, i moved to the big city.....and became a very small fish in an ocean.....lost, alone and floundering to find myself and my community.......i lived there for many years and, yes through church and homeschooling, we made communities--but we kept everyone  at a distance, still.....

we bought our first home in a small town, but it was pretty much an outlying area of the metroplex....lots of commuters...heck. we commuted to church 4 or 5 times a week...an hours drive.....each way.

then.

we came to our current small town.....which is really small.  it is still close to the big city, but it is nestled in the middle of other small towns...they are all growing, but still on the small side....it has been a double edged sword for me.....

it took some getting used to, going to the grocery store and running into people you knew....creating a relationship with the checkers (remember the amount of people in our home)--since the neighborhood walmart has become more like an extended pantry for me....

the nice side, is that my kids have made relationships that i know will last a lifetime.  we joined a neighborhood church...which was very fun and somewhat settling to this rambling heart...that sometimes feels like there is no 'home'.....

the day we moved in....i was in the process of miscarrying a baby.....news got out in that {not so} little church and i had about 7 ladies show up on my door step with food and able bodies to help unpack boxes and get my home in order....what a huge blessing that was and still is when i think of it.....

we have neighbors that i know we can call on and count on in a pinch...i love that.

it also has had its drawbacks.....while going through a horrific time with my divorce, i lost {what i thought were} friends....lost my reputation....lost my job, lost the eye contact of neighbors who didn't know what to say or how to address the situation...or me....or my kids......knew of the gossip....all the while trying to survive.....it was (and has been) horrible....

i have been blessed beyond measure this week in watching this small town....

you see....there was last weekend a horrible accident that took 2 young lives and altered 2 more.  2 kids that *i* don't know personally, but my kids do....one of the boys that passed went to 'our' high school....college with one of my children....he was the son of one of my little girl's teachers.  so incredibly sad.....and yet.

yesterday.

we got a recorded call from the elementary principal to all parents.....of course the staff wants to be at the funeral to support this family and grieve with them....but how do you do that????  I hadn't thought of it until this call.....

this one call blessed my socks off......

seems the neighboring elementary school teachers are banding together to cover their school AND our school to allow these teachers to go to the funeral....volunteers have stepped in to fill the gaps....food is there...prayer is there....i talked to another friend that said this family had not been left on their own at any one point of this tragedy.....

there are so many life lessons that have come through this situation.....i could write a book....from my children (ALL of them and their different ages) to how i as a parent handle my children.....and on and on......

and....

back to my point :)

this brings a whole new meaning to small town to me...this is how we are to live....taking care of one another....standing with one another, supporting one another....loving one another....in the midst of pain...no matter the cause....

image credit:  google images

a work of {he}arts

stay tuned.....more works of the heart are coming!!!

chicken salad

i had the privilege of having some chicken salad with an old friend and a few of her friends when we met up for lunch in Canton....that's a whole 'nother post....make that 2 posts....one on canton and one on my friend Kaye.  well.  eating her chicken salad reminded me that i had taken pictures of my recipe last year and had never posted it.  we had it for dinner tonight and it is always a favorite....so again, i was reminded that i had the fixings not only for food, but for giving you the recipe. i think i got this recipe originally from the pantry diner in downtown mckinney.  i think i have said before that one of my favorite things to do is to try to replicate something i really like.  so, after a few tries and kids taste testing...we came up with our own version of it....

it has become the go to recipe for picnics, lake days, travel days, you name it, it works ;)  we usually have it with club crackers, just to make it easier to pack and eat on the go.  we have been eating gluten free for a while now, so we have it with rice crackers.  it is VERY good!  on of my kids favorite ways to eat it is just to digit with chips and veggies....i am always a popular person when this is on the menu......you would think i would make it more.......

chicken salad

• 1 rotisserie chicken (this is a much, MUCH easier way to do this....)
• 1 cup toasted pecans, cooled and chopped
• 2 cups red grapes, halved, or if very large, quartered
• 1 cup of  mayonnaise, sour cream, greek yogurt or a mixture of any or all
• and for my secret ingredient--juice of 1 lemon
• salt to taste
• and for my secret, secret ingredient--1/4 cup water

strip, shred or chop the chicken....combine all ingredients except the water...mix well....add the water and mix to a good spreadable consistency....you can add more dressing as you desire....

serve on bread, with crackers or on top of salad greens.

i will tell you.....when i grocery shop, i try to get it all done in one day.  when i actually get that done :| i am beat when it is all said and done.  and we usually have to grab some food out....kinda defeats the purpose of grocery shopping, wouldn't ya say?  so.  i decided i would buy a rotisserie chicken (the last i bought 2 to have enough for chicken salad, also) and i cook some version of quinoa, and a veggie or two.  it has become an easy {maybe not cheapest} way to have dinner in on shopping days....