tradition

it used to be that when one of our children turned 13, we celebrated it like no other birthday--its the milestone of becoming a teenager and being given more adultlike privileges (and responsibility--shhhh).

as the children have gotten older and particularly with divorce, it has been hard to keep up with tradition. the boys' celebrations haven't ever been as elaborate as the girls' have been but there is always a celebration for everyone--a passage of rites, so to speak.

for the girls, it is a time to start the big girl things.....13 is the year for make-up, nail polish and pierced ears.....and all on the same day. the day calls for all girls in the family over the age of 13 to participate in coffee, facials, manis and pedis, ear piercings, eyebrow waxings, and lunch.

this is autumn's year and since reagan was the only one left under 13, autumn decided she wanted her to come too. it was very difficult to find a time when ALL the adult sisters could make it ALL at the same time. well, we actually didn't even get THAT. we had all the sisters for one part or another. what a lesson in being flexible and grateful for what we do have and the time we DO get to spend together.

only 1 more 13th birthday to celebrate.

His angels keep watch

I got one of those dreaded calls moms get. The one with a huge sob on the other end and only 'Mom' would come out. The one that makes your heart stop, or at least jump into your throat. The one where you panic inside and try to keep calm and find out what happened. Yea. One of those. it was gretchen.

she was on her way to work.

she tried to tell me what had happened, but i couldn't make heads or tails out of it.  all i got was that the window was busted and she was ok.  i wanted to go get her, but she reassured me she was ok and she was headed to work.

later that night, she explained what had happened.  sounded like a near miss to me.  like a miracle.  like god was truly watching out for her. when i asked her about it, she felt like the near miss was a punishment of some sort.  i HATE that.  we talked about it and she came around to the fact that truly he was watching over her and protected her.

i felt compelled to go by the 'scene' to see what i could see.

i was shocked.

i could do nothing but pray and praise jesus for keeping my little girl safe.

the pictures will show how close she came to, probably, losing her life.  while i was there, the intersection was empty.  i prayed and asked god to put a car in the position gretchen was in at the time.  that is this:

an 18-wheeler came upon a red light and was, ahem, distracted, it seems.  there were cars lined up at the red light, so he swerved to miss them and went into the grass, hitting, knocking over and bending signs. the light was green (for what would have been this white truck) for gretchen.  she said she did not know what made her NOT move, but she didn't.  she looked over and saw this truck coming at her and said she literally thought she was gonna die.

the truck came, it looks like to me about 2-3 inches from hitting her straight on.

he never stopped.  he just hit the highway and kept on going.

i am amazed and oh. so. thankful i have my 17 year old precious daughter still here.  and i am so glad she is beginning to see how much he loves her to protect her like he did.  and!  i am so glad he is not done with her yet and she is beginning to see she has a purpose to be here.

9 little kittens who lost their mittens........

i have held on to these mittens for 30 years now....or at least 1 of each set :) i am not much on sentimentality.  i am pretty much a suck it up and move on kind of person.  i toss things that aren't needed.

except these mittens...for some reason.  and they always came out when it got cold and we would sort through them and put the unmatched ones and the ones that didn't fit any longer back in the box.

until 8 years ago.

in our kitchen, we have a huge window....ok...in the nook/dining area.  i love the light it lets in!  but it is a big, bare window.

during our first christmas season in this house, it turned cold.  we pulled out the mittens and gloves.  there was this huge stack of mismatched and too littles.....and i had a lightbulb moment.

why not use them for decorations?  I hung a string from end to end of the window and hung the mittens like a clothesline.

it has become one of my most favorite decorations.  and it's always is the topic of conversation...whether with friends or family....who's is who's and who wore that one and remember when's........

to fill in the empty spaces on the line, we even put our current, matching sets up there....its kinda funny when it snows and they are hanging up, to have the kids go get their gloves from the line :)  they'll even wear them mis-matched, which makes for great pictures!

i went to go find them last night.  they weren't in their regular spot.  my heart skipped a little.  remembering back on last year, i remember pulling them out of our ever growing box (that couldn't close any longer) and deciding they just needed to go with the regular decorations. we bagged them up and put them with the decorations.

they aren't there.

this brings tears now, as i type....i am going miss all those itty bitty mittens....one pair was from my oldest when she was 6 months old.  they all held lots of memories

i am thankful for the tears...it means there is a part of my heart that is healing...a part that holds on to things that mean a LOT....a part that is sentimental :)

i am praying they are just misplaced.  i have this feeling they ended up in a 'let's clean the garage and anything that doesn't belong needs to go' spree.....

whatever the cause for the missing mittens....i am so thankful god prompted me to take pictures of them....just last year.

and i am thankful for the memories these little mittens hold.

a little {f}unny

i have told this story several times, so if you've heard it before, just scroll on :)

i homeschooled for 18 years. during that time, the children were too young to be left alone for very long. we lived in mckinney, texas and there was not a walmart or sams close by (which is where all large families need to shop, lol). we used to make the day of it. it was a 30 minute drive to both, as they were side by side. most times, it took us 2 baskets to get what we needed. if it was during the winter, it took 3. one to hold all the coats :) we were a sight to behold, i am sure. all (at the time) 7 children, me pregnant with another and basket upon basket with groceries and kids piled in and on.

during this particular season, my children had gotten a little sassy with each other. one would say something and the other would respond with FINE....it got to where i was hearing this word more times each day than i cared to....and with an attitude.

so. i did what any good mom would do ;) i grounded them from saying the word. if they can't use it the right way, they lost the privilege of sayin the word at all.

and now we are at walmart. all three baskets brimming full, heading to the check out line. we are standing in line, when i realized i forgot something. i told the kids to all sit there quietly. i assigned who would put groceries on the belt and who would sit by the littler ones if i wasn't back before it was our turn.

i am sure you know this feeling.

i am across the store....speed walking as fast as a pregnant mama can go (not very fast, lol) and all of a sudden, i hear screamed across the way........

"MOM.....JORDAN SAID THE 'F' WORD!!!!!!!!!

talk about humbling.

twenty three.

i can not think of this day or this boy  man without seeing the mercy of god. i love this guy so much, sometimes it makes my heart hurt.  i am so incredibly proud of him and all that he has walked through. Jordan is probably the most like me of all my children.  he has such a love for life and truth and god.  he has always wanted more and more of whatever god had for him.  i remember one time, after sunday school.  i think he was about 5 or 6.  his teachers looked for us after church to tell us how jordan blew the rest of the class away with his knowledge of the bible and the depth in which he 'got' it.  it surely didn't come from us.  we drilled them all, yes, but for the revelation he had at such a young age....only god.

jordan has walked through many years of having an angry mom....and lots of that anger was directed at him...because this mama didn't like herself very much, she was determined to not have any children like her....how sad. for him and for me.  it breaks my heart that for years, i didn't allow him to be what and who god created him to be.  years of beating submission into him...literally and figuratively

but god

god knew what it would take for me AND for jordan to turn to him with our whole hearts.....it has been a bumpy road....a hard one.  and we have come out on the other side.  and we are great friends.  i love that.

i love that jordan and i can talk for HOURS about scripture or a movie or a book...to get to the bottom of its true message.  we debate most of the time :)  but we both love a good debate.....

jordan has had several prophetic words spoken over him through the years....one was that he wouldn't walk with god...he would run.  i so see that in him...the other one is that he is a pied piper.....and boy.  does that describe him.  he never meets a stranger and is ready to jump into whatever game any group, anywhere may be playing at any time....and he is determined to win...and usually does.  and he draws others to him with his smile and sense of humor.

this year, he graduated from college.  he was the only child of ours that was home schooled all the way through high school and he has done an incredible job of working his way through college and holding down a job leading the youth in church and as a worship team player.

today, i think back on that itsy bitsy baby handed to me....a son...the oldest boy........who knew...that this man would {by the age of 23} have served on the mission field, would be a great writer, could play a musical instrument....who has journeyed so far....physically and spiritually....?

who knew that this young man that i call jordy boy would grow up to be such an amazing man of god....running after god, to have a hold of all god has for him?

god did.

i am so thankful for this man....that god allowed me to have him and through my mistakes has redeemed what i and the enemy tried to steal.

Happy Birthday, Jordan!   we love you!!!!

ch-ch-cha-changes!

i don't look like a proud mama, do i?  

Christian HS graduation 

and i love this picture! it shows so much of christian's personality

wow...so much has happened in the span of 4 weeks!  i am one whooped mama.  each one of these deserves a post of itself and i will get to it as soon as i can. 

i am so incredibly blessed and proud of each of of my children and the milestones they are jumping over.  from a 1st grader going to 2nd grade to some of my kids learning hard adult responsibilities and choices to the joy of stepping into marriage.  i never knew when god gave my 9 children how much more was involved after diapers and bottles.

stay tuned........

clean cribs

Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox. proverbs 14:4

Hehe...this is a small portion and a very conservative look of what my house looks like when i am trying to cook for the family.  heck...this is what it looks like most days...when i'm not cooking :)

it is so easy for me to get so down on myself for not having a clean house.  for living life in my home.  for years, my home needed to look like a model home. there was some outside influence in that pressure, but i succumbed to it....no ones fault but my own....

i had a friend one day tell me this little thought and i adopted it for myself.  it is this:  i see my primary ministry as for anyone who comes into my home....they automatically feel better about their own.  how true it is.  sadly or not.

then this scripture came across my eyes as i was reading one morning.  it freed me up.  i have a lot of oxen.  a.lot.  and we are pretty productive.  we are all pretty {messy} creative.  I have to realize that if we are neat and clean and everything is in its place, nothing productive can be happening....or not too much.

so....my crib is NOT clean....and we have much increase.....come join the mess :)

linked up today with chatting at the sky

trick or treat???

growing up, Halloween and trick or treating was a favorite memory and tradition. once i became a christian, it became the 'bad' holiday....there was no way i was going to participate in it--to the point of hiding in the backest bedroom with the shades drawn and a small tv brought into the room for us to watch a movie, eat popcorn and try to drown out the ding dongs of the door bell. our children were taught to be afraid--very afraid of halloween, people who dressed up and anyone who came to the door. NOW...I am not saying it is something to be celebrated like easter, but to be afraid of it??? My mindset was challenged with a 'light up' campaign our church did...and i was challenged! once we embraced the idea {a year or 2 later} we had a blast! We had an old victorian home with a HUGE wrap around porch and we had a party-bringing tv and veggie tales out, gladly handing out candy, chatting with the neighbors and telling all who came by that jesus loved them. we did that for a few years, but there was still a spirit of fear around the day and night, until.....

4 years ago, on the 31st, I was running errands with my 2 littlest girls. the others were in school for first time--ever. Their dad had moved out months before and it was a dark time in my life and i am sure the children's. as i was running errands, this little girl--4 years old--from the her car seat in the back of the van, asked what it meant to ask jesus into her heart. WOW...talk about making a mom's heart stop and do a flip flop. I talked her through it, while looking through the rear view mirror. She told me she wanted to pray and ask him to come inside her heart, and pray we did!!! I asked her older sister if she wanted to, too and she said no :) {she did about a year later}. As we were finishing up our running around, i heard god say to allow the kids to trick or treat tonight and take back ground that the enemy had taken....I will say, I still do not understand why god said that and what good will come of it...BUT...I will also say, we had THE.MOST.FUN. that night. We did not have costumes to speak of, and when I told the kids they could go, they ran upstairs and made the most creative costumes out of pjs that I have ever seen :) . They could only stay on our street (about 20 houses long) and they had a blast!!! I wish I had taken pictures, but my heart was really not in it and i was not thinking of the memory we were making. I hate that.

one of my older children called my oldest and said ' you would not believe what mom is letting the kids do'...i took the phone and my oldest was crying. i asked why...was she angry with me? she said 'no, mom, i am so happy for them. they have a new mom....one i didn't have'.....oh, man...broke my heart! And made me rejoice at the same time....

this year it may look different. This will be the first year the children are 'with' me, as they have been with their dad for halloween since that first one. God told me to not do the same thing out of default--out of being on automatic :) . we are contemplating celebrating all saints day instead.

talking to one of my older daughters, though, she has very fond memories of 'hiding out' and loves telling all her trick-or-treating friends of her different experience.

our first trick-or-treating experience will always hold a special place in my heart...and I know HIS

grace for me

God extends his grace to me in so many, many ways....here is just one.  to have a plan, and know that he has another, and to go with that other one takes his grace.  grace to accept my children for who they are and not who i would want them to be (we all know how well that works).  grace is staying in the moment and enjoying it....knowing that it will never come packaged exactly like it was today. our my feeble attempt at a family picture.....

sharing today with chatting at the sky

a thin place

what happens when something changes the course of your life?  God meets you there :)  I have been blessed beyond measure to be able to share a small piece of the beginning of my life, my story on Mary DeMuth's blog section call thin place.  you can read about my {one on my many} thin place here.

pure grace

this girl.....our kaitlyn grace....turns 20 tomorrow!!!  this girl.....who's name was given by God before we even knew she was a she or that I was even pregnant for that matter...kaitlyn grace....means 'pure grace'.  this girl....has such a call on her life that the enemy has tried in various ways in her 20 short years to take her down and out....this girl...was born in the car on the way to the hospital.  the story is one that will be told many, many more times, because it is so funny and sooooo kaitlyn.  i used to say....we could have been IN the hospital and she would have waited till we were out of it to be born.  I will absolutely write about her birth...another time.  this day is to celebrate all that God has done in her life.  all that she is.  all that she is going to be.  she is a precious jewel in the crown I wear called motherhood.  of course, being 20 {and a girl}, says a lot of  {unsaid} things about our relationship.  we have had so many ups and downs and God keeps her near to my heart...and I know his.   this girl....the one who decided she needed to move away to stretch her wings.....the wings I purpose to NOT clip--only i want to so badly so that she stays close to home....always....but god told me long ago that she would not stay close....he told me she is like an Amy Carmichael--only in the opposite way...see, its a good thing for me she was born in the car...God knew I needed that....that there would be no mistake she was mine.  and with skin the color of hers...there would have been some question ;) ....when she was 2, she told me she wanted a black baby doll...because their legs were dark like hers.  she used to say when she grew up, she wanted to be white, like her older sister.....God showed me...that she would easily be able to go into countries that others would not be able to--because of her coloring and her eyes....she has the blackest eyes i have ever seen....so beautiful...so open to what God has....so vulnerable.  yet, she is one smart cookie....and funny...our family has never laughed like we do when kaitlyn is in one of her funny moods....

we have said over the years that god knew what he was doing in naming her....that it has taken pure grace to raise this daughter....but i am learning that he named her also for the pure grace she shows to me....her mom...in my many mistakes in raising her, in loving her or in failing to love her the way i should....he knew her before she was born....i have learned so many of my parenting skills just from this one. little. bitty. girl.

happy birthday, my sweet kk.  you are loved beyond measure and i hope and pray you feel it deep in your heart.  i pray that the in the next 20 years, you will continue to see the hand on god on your life...that you see the hard things in life as treasures and that HE loves you more than you can imagine.

He knows my name.....

today is my oldest "baby" 's birthday.  she is 26 today.  and she is SUCH a blessing to me.  I was praying for her this morning and God brought back a memory of her birth that speaks of HIS love for us.....

at the time, I was working at the corporate offices of Mary Kay.  I had my doctor and the hospital that I would be using.  I knew when I went to the drs office that there was another mom with the same name, but since mine is GI instead of the usual JE, we were able to keep straight :).

I went in to have my baby.  there were 2 baby girls born the same day, at approximately the same time {frame}, with the same last name...one had blonde hair one had black hair.  When all the family gathered to look at the new baby, they were all gooing over the black headed baby....the nurse then brought out another baby--the one with blonde hair and pointed to my husband....that brought a laugh to the crowd who had been making all over the wrong baby :)

When it was time for her first feeding, they brought her to me.  I was to nurse her.  they brought her to me with all the paraphernalia that goes with bottle feeding.  i asked what this was about...the nurse did some immediate checking and realized they had gotten the charts mixed up.  it seemed that not only did those babies have the same last name, their mom's had the same first name (one spelled with a GI and one with a JE) , we were employed by the same company, therefore had the same insurance company, had the same doctor and used the same hospital and were born on the same day!!!  The nurse was flustered and started checking our bands (this was right before the time they pretty much made you bleed to prove you were the mom {well, I guess you really do} ).  I was holding this blonde little baby and looked at her head (this was the first time I had really seen her, as I had had a C-Section).....she had a cowlick on her head in the same place as mine....a nuisance to me for many years.  I knew she was mine...there was no doubt.  Once that was declared, there were many more check points put in place to make sure we got the same baby, but I knew I would know her from there on out.  She bore my markings.....

that is what god told me today...just as I knew her, he knows me, I bear the marks of Christ...

'From henceforth let no man trouble me:

for I bear in my body

the marks of the Lord Jesus."Galatians 6:17

it brings me to a song that god sings over me when i feel lost....when I feel like no one knows me....you can listen here and be assured he knows you!!

Happy Birthday, Love.....I am so proud of you and love you soooooooo much!!!  And, I love your cowlick :D

linked up today with chatting at the sky and sweet shot Tuesday

a growing family

yesterday was mother's day.  it was a great day and it is a reminder of how my family is growing....not necessarily in number (which is coming soon enough), but in age and what that brings with it. gone are the days of my struggling through mother's day of getting a bunch of little ones dressed and ready for church--and of course in my perfectionism and man seeking approval stage--everyone had to look alike with hair done perfectly. i made myself completely crazy with those days...there were many mother's days that i was pregnant, not feeling my best and was pretty much grumpy....i took on more than i needed to to keep my family 'looking' the part....oh, how sad that is when i think of all the energy i wasted and how hard i was on my kids, my {ex} husband AND, especially our children.

those days are gone.  I now only take care of myself and if the kids are not looking exactly like *I* would like them to look, i look the other way :) .  my deepest desire for mother's day is that we can all be together.  it does happen, but it is not easy.  with the growing family, there are times when one or another of the children can not be there, for part or any of the day.  i have one child that must go to another family and celebrate a step-mom, i have kids who have 'significant others' who must go to other families, i have kids with jobs--some being at churches--so that they must work on Sundays and another yet that works retail and must go by his assigned schedule....

one of the hardest things for me to grapple with as a mom of young adults and still young ones at home is the thought of having a family picture done, but not everyone can be there for the picture.  i tend to shy away from those pictures when all but one or two (or more) can not be there, because "we are not all here"...our family is not complete.  Now, as I say this, I realize, our family will never be the same after divorce.  it is bittersweet that our 'daddy' is not with us and has chosen that path.  it is VERY sweet that God provided a WONDERFUL man to take on the mission of my family...

i have to remind myself that early on, in the days of taking family pictures, that not all the kids were in those...the younger ones weren't even a thought at the time.  it is hard to do, but it is only the right thing to do...to take pictures of the memory and moments that God so graciously gives us....and know deep in my heart that we are ALL still family....even when others are not there.....this picture is the last picture (so far) of EVERYONE being in the same place at the same time all made up ready for pictures :)