i can not think of this day or this boy man without seeing the mercy of god. i love this guy so much, sometimes it makes my heart hurt. i am so incredibly proud of him and all that he has walked through.
Jordan is probably the most like me of all my children. he has such a love for life and truth and god. he has always wanted more and more of whatever god had for him. i remember one time, after sunday school. i think he was about 5 or 6. his teachers looked for us after church to tell us how jordan blew the rest of the class away with his knowledge of the bible and the depth in which he 'got' it. it surely didn't come from us. we drilled them all, yes, but for the revelation he had at such a young age....only god.
jordan has walked through many years of having an angry mom....and lots of that anger was directed at him...because this mama didn't like herself very much, she was determined to not have any children like her....how sad. for him and for me. it breaks my heart that for years, i didn't allow him to be what and who god created him to be. years of beating submission into him...literally and figuratively
but god
god knew what it would take for me AND for jordan to turn to him with our whole hearts.....it has been a bumpy road....a hard one. and we have come out on the other side. and we are great friends. i love that.
i love that jordan and i can talk for HOURS about scripture or a movie or a book...to get to the bottom of its true message. we debate most of the time :) but we both love a good debate.....
jordan has had several prophetic words spoken over him through the years....one was that he wouldn't walk with god...he would run. i so see that in him...the other one is that he is a pied piper.....and boy. does that describe him. he never meets a stranger and is ready to jump into whatever game any group, anywhere may be playing at any time....and he is determined to win...and usually does. and he draws others to him with his smile and sense of humor.
this year, he graduated from college. he was the only child of ours that was home schooled all the way through high school and he has done an incredible job of working his way through college and holding down a job leading the youth in church and as a worship team player.
today, i think back on that itsy bitsy baby handed to me....a son...the oldest boy........who knew...that this man would {by the age of 23} have served on the mission field, would be a great writer, could play a musical instrument....who has journeyed so far....physically and spiritually....?
who knew that this young man that i call jordy boy would grow up to be such an amazing man of god....running after god, to have a hold of all god has for him?
god did.
i am so thankful for this man....that god allowed me to have him and through my mistakes has redeemed what i and the enemy tried to steal.
Happy Birthday, Jordan! we love you!!!!
one thing we {try to} do each year is get the kids picture made with Santa. this has taken a life of its own now :) When my 1st was born, i was allllll into the santa thing. after my second was born, i had come into the belief that to believe in santa was a sin and to tell you kids a lie about santa was an unpardonable sin :( so, i began telling my kids there was no such thing as santa from birth, pretty much. well, the kids have decided their own path with santa. Some totally don't want to believe in him and some, no matter how much they are told he is not 'real' still want to make cookies for him and want to talk to him every year.
growing up, Halloween and trick or treating was a favorite memory and tradition. once i became a christian, it became the 'bad' holiday....there was no way i was going to participate in it--to the point of hiding in the backest bedroom with the shades drawn and a small tv brought into the room for us to watch a movie, eat popcorn and try to drown out the ding dongs of the door bell. our children were taught to be afraid--very afraid of halloween, people who dressed up and anyone who came to the door. NOW...I am not saying it is something to be celebrated like easter, but to be afraid of it??? My mindset was challenged with a 'light up' campaign our church did...and i was challenged! once we embraced the idea {a year or 2 later} we had a blast! We had an old victorian home with a HUGE wrap around porch and we had a party-bringing tv and veggie tales out, gladly handing out candy, chatting with the neighbors and telling all who came by that jesus loved them. we did that for a few years, but there was still a spirit of fear around the day and night, until.....
this girl.....our kaitlyn grace....turns 20 tomorrow!!! this girl.....who's name was given by God before we even knew she was a she or that I was even pregnant for that matter...kaitlyn grace....means 'pure grace'. this girl....has such a call on her life that the enemy has tried in various ways in her 20 short years to take her down and out....this girl...was born in the car on the way to the hospital. the story is one that will be told many, many more times, because it is so funny and sooooo kaitlyn. i used to say....we could have been IN the hospital and she would have waited till we were out of it to be born. I will absolutely write about her birth...another time. this day is to celebrate all that God has done in her life. all that she is. all that she is going to be. she is a precious jewel in the crown I wear called motherhood. of course, being 20 {and a girl}, says a lot of {unsaid} things about our relationship. we have had so many ups and downs and God keeps her near to my heart...and I know his. this girl....the one who decided she needed to move away to stretch her wings.....the wings I purpose to NOT clip--only i want to so badly so that she stays close to home....always....but god told me long ago that she would not stay close....he told me she is like an Amy Carmichael--only in the opposite way...see, its a good thing for me she was born in the car...God knew I needed that....that there would be no mistake she was mine. and with skin the color of hers...there would have been some question ;) ....when she was 2, she told me she wanted a black baby doll...because their legs were dark like hers. she used to say when she grew up, she wanted to be white, like her older sister.....God showed me...that she would easily be able to go into countries that others would not be able to--because of her coloring and her eyes....she has the blackest eyes i have ever seen....so beautiful...so open to what God has....so vulnerable. yet, she is one smart cookie....and funny...our family has never laughed like we do when kaitlyn is in one of her funny moods....
today is my oldest "baby" 's birthday. she is 26 today. and she is SUCH a blessing to me. I was praying for her this morning and God brought back a memory of her birth that speaks of HIS love for us.....
yesterday was mother's day. it was a great day and it is a reminder of how my family is growing....not necessarily in number (which is coming soon enough), but in age and what that brings with it. gone are the days of my struggling through mother's day of getting a bunch of little ones dressed and ready for church--and of course in my perfectionism and man seeking approval stage--everyone had to look alike with hair done perfectly. i made myself completely crazy with those days...there were many mother's days that i was pregnant, not feeling my best and was pretty much grumpy....i took on more than i needed to to keep my family 'looking' the part....oh, how sad that is when i think of all the energy i wasted and how hard i was on my kids, my {ex} husband AND, especially our children.