an unloved woman

i recently returned from serving on an event that ministers to and speaks to women and who (and whose) they are. one of the speakers mentioned a bible verse that was like a 2x4 between the eyes to me.

now, the humor in this to me, is that while homeschooling and using the curriculum we did for most of our 18 years of home education, we read this verse no less than one day each month of the year (with the exception of February, since the calendar never reached this date). i never saw this scripture this way.

it is:

Proverbs: 30:21 and 23. 'under 3 things the earth quakes, and under 4 it cannot bear up: under an unloved woman when she gets a husband'.

these passages speak VOLUMES to me. i have been that unloved woman. how many women do you know, or you are yourself, who wasn't loved growing up? doesn't love herself? and doesn't know the love our God has for her? when we marry and are not loved or don't know that love, we look to a man to complete us or fulfill in us only those things God can. and are we surely disappointed? and are others in us? and how miserable we make everyone around us? WOW....i had never seen this verse like this or understood it this way.

we as women have GOT to get to the place we know who we are, WHOSE we are, that we are loved, we love ourselves and allow God to heal those wounds of being unloved as children. only then can we truly walk and love in freedom.

my prayer for me and mine and really any i walk with is:

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God~Ephesians 3:16-19

a thin place

what happens when something changes the course of your life?  God meets you there :)  I have been blessed beyond measure to be able to share a small piece of the beginning of my life, my story on Mary DeMuth's blog section call thin place.  you can read about my {one on my many} thin place here.

sing and dance to an audience of ONE

we all have wounds...wounds that come very early in life....and we all respond in different ways to cope with those wounds...when there is abuse, especially sexual abuse, the effects are horrendous.  I had years of it....and my means of coping was to make everyone happy, not stir the pot, so to speak and fade into the woodwork....my identity became what others said i was and what i could meld into to make someone like me or just not hate me~or abuse me.  i didn't see this for a very long time...it had, in essence, become my addiction....to make everyone around me happy and take care of everyone.

this went on for many, many years and i would like to say it stopped when i became a christian.  but the nasty truth of it was that it got worse...so, so much worse...i tried to cover the dirty-ness with appearances, facades, and works.  i was the 'ask ginny, she'll do anything' person.  i was known for my 'servant's heart' and my quickly taking responsibilities and jobs that no one else would do.  i was trying hard to make people like me and please those around me.  and i was miserable.  i thought my misery would go away the more i worked at it and the more i stayed busy....

god used some dire circumstances to open my eyes and heart to what HE wanted from me and for me....i have 9 children....after the 9th, i became pregnant with and lost #10 3 times....the second time, i began hemorrhaging and almost died...i was broken hearted, but the worst of it was that during this time my husband decided he did not want our family any longer.  i fought for 2 years and lost.  i had to ask my husband to leave when it became abusive...realizing our home had already been in that state for a long time, but was just now healthy enough to see it for what it was.....when 'the church' heard what was 'going down', i was given books to read, conferences to go to and advice.  and was told i was in rebellion to do ask him to leave (not intending divorce, just wanted him healed and to take responsibility for his own healing).  i also had to decide to put my children in school (which after 18 years of schooling them--was traumatic itself)....i had a battle in that~from the homeschooling community to the public schools~nothing i could do would please anyone....god began showing me HE was the ONLY one i needed to please....HE was the ONLY one that i would stand accountable to when i got to heaven.  it has not been easy~not by a stretch~and i am not advocating ANYone doing what i have had to do...but i do know GOD has led me this far and i have learned to not take a step (okay, I am still working this one out) without HIS telling me TO do it and WHEN and WHERE to do it.  I call it putting blinders on~like a horse with blinders...i have to put my blinders on to shut out the noise of the world and well meaning people to hear the voice of MY GOD.

today I am linked up with chattingatthesky, aholyexperience, shout laugh and love and sweet shot tuesday