Mexican dinner

three of my kids have been gone to camp.  it has been VERY quiet around here this week.  we have also been dog sitting for a friend with a pool...YAY!!!  so, i have been taking the youngers swimming everyday and not been very domestic.  i realized today that i had nothing to feed the troops when they came home hungry for mom's food.  i had to think of something fast, easy and yummy.  shredded beef tacos fit that bill.  we love mexican food around here.  we can NEVER have enough :)  here are the recipes for what a normal mexican dinner looks like for us.  Shredded beef tacos are one of the easiest dishes to make.  i found a similar recipe in the paper one day, but didn't have the ingredients.  so, i decided to try my own version.  the hot sauce is originally from my sweet friend stu ferguson.  he is an AMAZING cook.  i have several recipes from him that have become regulars around here.  and the guacamole is not even a recipe...so i feel kinda silly putting it on here, but i realize that some may not know how to make some....so here goes:

Shredded beef tacos

• 1 roast (any kind, cut, size--just what is on sale and will feed your family)
• 1 onion, cut in quarters
• 3 cloves of garlic, peeled and left whole
• salt and pepper
• 1 jar salsa (we SWEAR by Joe T Garcias mild sauce for this--we have tried others, but this is our fave.  use what you have or can find)

put the roast in a crock pot with onion, garlic and salt and pepper.  add 1 cup water.  Cook on whatever level you need to for your time allowed :) .  when its tender, take it out, pull it apart using 2 forks.  once shredded,  put back into crock pot (pour out the water and veggies) and combine meat and salsa.  cook another 30 minutes.

serve in tortillas, corn or flour.  we usually have available: chopped lettuce, shredded cheese, sour cream, salsa and guacamole.....

Home made salsa

• 1 large can diced tomatoes
• 1 large can rotel tomatoes
• 1 package taco seasoning
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• chopped cilantro
• juice of 1 lime
• salt and pepper to taste

what i do:  i blend the 2 cans of tomatoes slightly (you don't have to, if you and your kids like chunks--mine don't).  combine all ingredients except cilantro in a pot and bring to a boil.  lower heat and let simmer 20 minutes on low.  turn heat off and stir in cilantro.  bring out the chips :)

Guacamole

• avocados (duh)
• juice of 1 lime
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 2 Tbl cilantro, chopped
• salt, pepper and seasoned salt
• 1 tomato, chopped
• purple onion, finely chopped ( to taste--we usually don't put it in, unless its only the big kids eating)

mash avocado, and combine all ingredients.  season to taste.  YUM!!!!!

sing and dance to an audience of ONE

we all have wounds...wounds that come very early in life....and we all respond in different ways to cope with those wounds...when there is abuse, especially sexual abuse, the effects are horrendous.  I had years of it....and my means of coping was to make everyone happy, not stir the pot, so to speak and fade into the woodwork....my identity became what others said i was and what i could meld into to make someone like me or just not hate me~or abuse me.  i didn't see this for a very long time...it had, in essence, become my addiction....to make everyone around me happy and take care of everyone.

this went on for many, many years and i would like to say it stopped when i became a christian.  but the nasty truth of it was that it got worse...so, so much worse...i tried to cover the dirty-ness with appearances, facades, and works.  i was the 'ask ginny, she'll do anything' person.  i was known for my 'servant's heart' and my quickly taking responsibilities and jobs that no one else would do.  i was trying hard to make people like me and please those around me.  and i was miserable.  i thought my misery would go away the more i worked at it and the more i stayed busy....

god used some dire circumstances to open my eyes and heart to what HE wanted from me and for me....i have 9 children....after the 9th, i became pregnant with and lost #10 3 times....the second time, i began hemorrhaging and almost died...i was broken hearted, but the worst of it was that during this time my husband decided he did not want our family any longer.  i fought for 2 years and lost.  i had to ask my husband to leave when it became abusive...realizing our home had already been in that state for a long time, but was just now healthy enough to see it for what it was.....when 'the church' heard what was 'going down', i was given books to read, conferences to go to and advice.  and was told i was in rebellion to do ask him to leave (not intending divorce, just wanted him healed and to take responsibility for his own healing).  i also had to decide to put my children in school (which after 18 years of schooling them--was traumatic itself)....i had a battle in that~from the homeschooling community to the public schools~nothing i could do would please anyone....god began showing me HE was the ONLY one i needed to please....HE was the ONLY one that i would stand accountable to when i got to heaven.  it has not been easy~not by a stretch~and i am not advocating ANYone doing what i have had to do...but i do know GOD has led me this far and i have learned to not take a step (okay, I am still working this one out) without HIS telling me TO do it and WHEN and WHERE to do it.  I call it putting blinders on~like a horse with blinders...i have to put my blinders on to shut out the noise of the world and well meaning people to hear the voice of MY GOD.

today I am linked up with chattingatthesky, aholyexperience, shout laugh and love and sweet shot tuesday

Wednesday night dinner and Charro beans

for about a year and a half we have been having an open dinner in our home.  we call it Wednesday night family dinner.  it all started when i was struggling with how 'the church' was handling my situation and the realization that i really don't have a family...now, when i say that, i get crazy looks because, of course, i have a family of 9 children.  what i mean when i say that is that i don't have anyone to stand shoulder to shoulder with me and be MY family....does that make sense?  so, one day, i was feeling particularly sorry for my self :( and i was pouring my heart out to god.  he so tenderly spoke to my heart:  'if you want to have family, you will need to make one'....then he just downloaded this idea....to open our home to anyone who wanted family and/or needed family.  we have had so many people just pass through our home on those nights and so many more are hanging around and we are making a new picture of family.  i don't cook anything fancy and try not to go to too much trouble to get my house clean...of course, you know how it is...if company is coming, it kinda makes you do things that you put off anyway, so much more gets done :)  I told everyone from the beginning that we would have just what i would be fixing for my own family...sometimes, its scrambled eggs!!  i try to make enough of the main thing, so that if no one else came or no one brought anything else to eat, we would be good. god has been so good to provide for us.  i have been unemployed during a lot of this time....been on food stamps (how humbling) and have learned to receive food from others(again..how humbling)....people bring what we need (you know how god does that for potlucks)....

we are learning to share our hearts, share our children, share our food and share our burdens.  we have had as many as 25 kids here and it takes many of us to keep the fort safe :) we are {slowly, but surely} becoming a family--people who will be there for you no matter what...people who don't understand our quirks and love us anyway.

we had a mexican dinner last night and i made some beans...charro beans.  i have been wanting to try my hand at these for a long time, as the only place i could find them is at a good mexican food place.  i googled and found several recipes and came up with the common denominator of what became a hit of a recipe!  i was asked by several to share it, so decided to put it here....

• 2 lbs dried pinto beans, sorted and soaked overnight or at least 2 hours
• 2 cans chicken stock
• 1 lb bacon
• 2 onions, chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, pressed
• 1 bell pepper, diced
• 8 roma tomatoes or 1 large can diced tomatoes
• 1/2 tsp cumin
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• 2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pepper
• 1-12 oz can of beer (brand and cost is up to you-i don't drink it so it is CHEAP)
• 1 bunch cilantro, chopped

Directions:

cover beans with water and cook until almost tender.  Meanwhile, cook bacon in a large skillet.  when almost crisp, add onion, bell pepper and garlic.  finish cooking until onion is tender.  when beans are almost tender, add bacon mixture, chicken broth, tomatoes, beer and spices.  cook until beans are completely tender.  add cilantro and stir thoroughly.  adjust seasoning to your preference

this makes a soupish consistency, so it can be eating either way :)

HINTS:

these are things that i have learned to do with many small children around:  I usually blend my onion, peppers and tomatoes up in the blender using a little liquid.  i do this ALL the time, since they usually complain about chunks of veggies....

I also use a pizza cutter to cut my cilantro, basil or any other fresh herb/spice.  I use it to cut pancakes, french toast or anything like that that i need to cut huge masses of food in a very short amount of time.

{healthy} summertime snacking…..

well, the pressure is on and  i am trying hard to get my recipe for Texas Caesar Salad up, but to do that, i have to actually cook it to have a picture (well, that is the goal i have set)...it will be next week, hopefully that i will have time to do that.  in the meantime, i will share a tried and true family favorite and a new one that we LOVE!!!  the first one is watermelon slush...it is so easy and you probably already have your own version of it.... there is no exact recipe....what we do, is get a seedless watermelon (i don't even bother with the others now)...cut it in half and eat one half :)  cut out the meat of the other half and blend it up.  i don't add sugar or anything....it is good by itself....now, you can experiment and see what your family likes....i have tried lime in it and the kids HATED it..so we just stick to the basics....blend it up and pour it into a 9x13 pan.  cover and freeze.  when you are ready to have it, take it out and let it soften just a bit...you just want it soft enough to cut chunks out of it and put it in the blender again....you might need to add water, but sometimes just the melted juice is enough.  blend until desired consistency...that's it....just be prepared for brain freeze and a mouth that can not talk.  we love these and try to have them at least once a week.

this next recipe is AMAZING!!!

almond butter chocolate chip cookies......GLUTEN FREE, FLOUR FREE!!!!

• 1 cup unsalted almond butter, stirred well
• 3/4 cup sucanat
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 3 oz dark chocolate

Preheat oven to 350.  In a medium bowl, stir together first 5 ingredients until blended.  Stir in chocolate.

Drop dough by rounded tablespoons onto parchment-lined baking sheets.  Bake for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned.  Let cool on baking sheets for 5 minutes.  Remove to a wire rack and let cool for 15 more minutes.

NOW--my notes:  we doubled this and could have easily quadrupled it...these cookies are so YUMMY!!! YI would cut the sucanat to 1/2 cup.   if you don't know what that is, google it.  I use it all the time in place of brown sugar.  it has lots of good nutrients in it, but if used too heavy, it can taste like black strap molasses....YUCK...if you have ever had to take that for anemia, you know you don't want your cookies to taste like that :P  .  I use Gheridelli 60% cocoa--again, health food store purchase...maybe Central Market....

these don't look like they will stick together and act like cookies, but they do.

so, so yummy!!!!

linked up with chattingatthesky and steadymom and sweetshottuesday

my life in food.....

i had said before that i would expound on my relationship/history with cooking, recipes and food.  well, here it is. i have mentioned before that i had been sexually abused beginning between the age of 2 and 3.  one of my abusers was a step-father.  he was married to my mom for 13 years and i was abused during most of that, and, i realized much later, that he saw me as his wife...in every aspect.  i was responsible for every household duty, as well (you ask about my mom~that's another whole story).  by the age of 7, i was responsible for anything and everything that had to do with meals.  this meant meal planning, budgeting,  grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.

for years, i was very resentful.  for years.

one day, god spoke to me through my children.  one of my boys asked me if i would give his {very far off-in the distant future} fiance cooking lessons, because he was going to require it of her before he proposed :) .  at first, i was appalled, thinking through my wounded filter of how i would feel if my future husband required that of me.  then i thought how much of a compliment that was to me that my kids really liked what i cooked for them.  i realized then, that i had been gifted with the ability to cook, find really GOOD recipes, change them to make them more appealing for our family and cooking in large quantities.....

i have a great collection of recipes, tips, hints, and meal ideas.  most of this i have learned through my mistakes :(  haven't we all learned most of our good stuff from failing?

it is time for me to begin sharing what i have in a format so that others can access it {and my kids don't call me while i am cooking my own dinner}.  I will learn how to do a print link, but for now, just this will have to do.

i am very eclectic in my food experiences.  there will be some very healthy recipes, some that are very not healthy ones and everything in between.  i try to take pictures of at least the finished product, but i won't have too many pics...i am too busy cooking it!  most all recipes come with a story....my goal is to put one on here each week...tried and true....some most from friends and i will try to make sure i give credit where its due.....but i'm telling ya....i change things up a ton and cook without measuring most of the time..this is an act of discipline :/

i hope you enjoy the fruit of many years of laboring to find the gold in the bucket of trash......

p.s.  the picture of me: i know it has NOTHING to do with food...it is in response to others saying i didn't have one of me on here.....

against the odds

We celebrated a high school graduation this weekend.  this graduation held a special weight to it.  they said it couldn't be done...or not without great travail.  it is not kaitlyn, personally, who had the challenge~the challenge came from what we have been told and what we have believed.  kaitlyn is the first of my 9 children to graduate from {public} school....YIKES!!!  Kaitlyn {and the rest of the younger children} have had to fight on several arenas: the homeschool side:

• the children can not learn {anything profitable} in public school
• children in public school are inferior to homeschooled children
• their character will be in jeopardy
• they will be having sex by the time they are in middle school
• the teachers don't care about the children
• no one can teach your child better than you
• the children are only taught to the TAKS tests ( insert your state regulated testing here)
• (ok-this one gets me)--the kids have sex in the halls.....
• god does not want children in public school

I could go on and on...and some of this is what I have taken from what i have been taught, through my faulty filter--not necessarily what was intended.

the public school side:

• children who homeschool are inferior to public school children
• children who homeschool are very deficient in what they need
• they can not socially adapt to the setting of a public school
• the homeschool children's teacher {mom} is really stupid to think she can do their job
• the children will be a drain on the resources of the system
• the children will have to be put back at least a year to make up for their lack of education
• the public school system will have to sacrifice to help 'these' children

again, i could go on...you get the idea....doesn't seem to matter which way you go, there are so many people saying it can't be done...going from homeschool to public school...and she DID IT!!!!  AND she made incredible grades....yes we have had battles, challenges, defeats and victories....as we did the 18 years we homeschooled.

what i am convinced now, is that if god is in it...then it will succeed....

Kaitlyn has done an incredible job, considering the challenges she {and the younger 6 children} faced from the first day she entered school.  She has learned more than i could have ever taught her.  she has stood up for right when there is wrong going on around her.  she has incredible friends--friends who have high standards themselves.  i am so proud of her and her victories in entering high school when they said it couldn't be done--and she finished well: all 'a's' with one 'b'.  she has learned to study (something I never could teach) she has been able to follow her giftings and talents (which we did not have the money for), learned how to test, choose classes, choose friends, learn to relate to her teachers, learn to ask for help from them.  the teachers have been incredible--all truly caring about her as an individual....we have had incredible counselors and great support.

kaitlyn is paving the way for her younger brothers and sisters and has done an amazing job of it....

linked with www.chattingatthesky.com and steadymom and moms 30 minute blog challenge

who said?????

Jeremiah 1:5--"Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you.  Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work.

the enemy has been working overtime on me....

well, he began when i was very young, probably earlier than i can remember....there were so many things that came against me...so many wounds, so many lies.  and i believed those lies for most of my life.  one of the turning points toward healing for me was when i realized that with every lie he tried to speak over me, it was the counterfeit to one of the name{s} that GOD spoken over me when HE first thought of me.  it was a sneaky ploy and i believed it...and still struggle from time to time...you know those times when you mess up and all you can hear is "what were you THINKING", or  " you will NEVER get this one right", or  "you did it AGAIN"....you get the point, i don't need to repeat all the bad stuff....but what i have learned is that when something hurts--when someone has bumped up against a bruise of a wound (even a healing one), or when i mess up and feel horrible about it, it triggers old thoughts and if i am not careful, i end up down a spiral--as i like to call them :)  I am learning to stop and feel the pain, then i try to think through the lie that was spoken over me--and if i have repeated it (aloud or to myself-which almost always happens) then i have at some point come into an agreement with it--i purpose to find  the truth of what God says about me--what HE thought of when he first thought of me, and speak those words....i am learning-ever so slowly--to not listen to the whispers of the enemy, but to listen to the word that HE has spoken over me and named me...."precious daughter", "overcomer", "beautiful",  "beloved", "lover of truth"...etc.....

i have a choice who to believe.....and i am learning to discern where the little whispers are coming from and stand up and say......"who says"....

linked up to www.chattinginthesky.com

yummy chocolate cake

this is probably the most requested cake for birthdays at our house.  there are a few others, and i will share those later....this recipe came from my dear, sweet friend, Patti Johnson.  it is called texas hot cocoa cake...i'm not sure why, but it doesn't matter...its GOOD!!!!  NOW, i will be sharing shortly about my interest and giftings in cooking from scratch, messing with recipes to change them and whatnot....what i tend to do with passing recipes on, is post the recipe as written and then post script what *I* do :) today, i had to make 4 of these cakes.  we are going to downtown dallas tomorrow to feed a group of special people and i volunteered the cake.  one reason is that it is sooooo good.  the other is that it is sooooo easy.  i almost always have the ingredients on hand and can pretty much whip it up in a few minutes. its a great cake to take to potlucks or to family in need.  after the first double batch, i decided to change it up a bit and will share what i did.

TEXAS HOT COCOA CAKE         serves 24

• 1/2 cup butter (1 stick)
• 1/2 cup liquid shortening (another word for oil :))....i have used 1 cup of butter, too and like it better
• 1 cup water
• 6 Tablespoons cocoa (I use heaping)
• 2 cups flour
• 2 cups sugar
• 1/2 cup buttermilk
• 2 eggs
• 1 baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 tsp cinnamon (optional--some of my kids really don't like the cinnamon in it)

icing

• 1 1/2 stick butter
• 1/4 cup cocoa
• 6 Tablespoons milk
• 1 box (1 lb) powdered sugar ( I usually use just a tad bit less than this--makes more of a glaze on the cake)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/2 cup chopped nuts (very optional, we usually don't use them, since they are $$ and not everyone likes them, but used them on one cake today)

directions:  bring butter, oil, cocoa and water to a boil.  take off heat.  combine the flour and sugar and cinnamon.  add the cocoa mixture to that mixture.  mix together the buttermilk, eggs, soda, salt and vanilla.  (yes! do make sure you add the soda to the wet ingredients, NOT the dry--it does make a difference--ask me how I know).  mix in the egg mixture to the chocolate batter.  Pour into a greased (pam) 9x13 or sheet cake (I have done both and really like the sheet cake better)  Bake at 350 for 30-45 min for the 9x13.  15-20 for the sheet cake pan.  While the cake is cooking, combine the butter and cocoa in a pan ( I use the same pan I boiled the other mixture in--don't bother to even rinse it--its the same ingredients :))  heat and mix til butter is melted.  take off heat and stir in the milk, powdered sugar, vanilla and nuts....pour over a hot cake--just pulled from the oven....and watch everyone fight over licking the bowls

this is how it is every. single. time.  I promise, I didn't do this :)

its really, really, REALLY good with a glass of milk (don't tell my kids I said that)

riptides

Isaiah 30:15 in quietness and rest is your salvation..... Our family recently went on a beach vacation. Along with the talks of watching out for sharks and jelly fish were the constant instructions and reminders of what to do if you get caught in a rip tide.  Not a pleasant thought, but a necessary thing to do.  We went over and over the fact that you may feel like you are drowning and you may feel the need to swim as hard as you can, in actuality, those things are not true and could bring further danger.  I told the kids how to lay back and let the current take them out of the ripe tide and that the best thing to do is to relax and go with the waves until they were out of it and they could swim easily back to shore.  Thankfully, we never have encountered a rip tide.

I am in a difficult situation right now.  I am floundering in many ways....wanting to hear from God~about direction, dreams, passions, healing~you name it, i am wandering......I was on my walk this morning and I got a picture of me in a rip tide flailing around trying to save myself and get out of the waves...I was thrashing about, with my arms up, head spinning and fighting as hard as I could.... instantly the teachings I had been giving my children just several weeks ago came back like thunder....God spoke and said you are doing exactly what you have told your children not to do in this situation....lay back, let ME carry you out of the tide, let ME carry you out of the crashing waves.  It is a picture of peace, of rest, of waiting on God.  This goes against our very nature when we feel like we are drowning....we want to fight with all we have....when our salvation comes in resting and waiting for the waves to calm. submitted to chattingatthesky.com

my sweet reagan

today, reagan is 7 years old!  time flies is not strong enough for what i feel for these past 7 years.  this baby girl is our baby baby....the last one...and the one god has used to show me what an 'untouched' little girl looks like...one who knows how to follow her heart.  she is so passionate about life.  of course she has had pain, but she has had a different mama than most of my kids...even my oldest said that one day.....that these younger 3 have a different mom than the older 6...sad and rejoicing at the same time....this girl brings us so much joy...she is always coming up with some shinanigan....a dance contest at school, a way to be a pest make money in the neighborhood, a new play to put on for the family~one she giggles and laughs so much through that we can't understand a single word....she is a Justin Bieber (sp) lover right now....and the older kids have so much fun with all this...she is loved and she knows it!!  happy birthday, sweet reagan.  I love you with all my heart!!!

meet the robinsons

this movie came on the disney channel this afternoon and we are watching it....i continue to be amazed at the hidden truths in this children's movie....there are so many....and as i was marveling at it, i remembered the first time i watched it and how god spoke to me in a situation about it....i journaled about it and thought i would post it here....i encourage you to watch it with your heart....see all that god has for you in it.....even the song Little Wonders, oh my!!! may, 2007

I had a situation this week that God has used so mightily!!! I am working at becoming a photographer, as you might or might not know. I had done a shoot and the client viewed the pictures online and acted like they were great. She ordered the prints and we made the connections for me to get them to her and for me to get paid. Not a hour passed when she called saying they were the worst pictures she had seen...that they could have come from her own camera. She requested a full refund. I was CRUSHED!!!! Now, I know God has done some work in me for me to not throw the towel in altogether, but I have had my doubts whether this is a "God thing" or not....WELL...my youngest son had his birthday yesterday and wanted to go on a date with me to see "Meet the Robinsons"...I had heard it was a good movie, but I am not really a movie person...so....we went anyway....there was this part in it where the main character fails at the task given to him......you could tell he was crushed.....the response he got from the others around him totally surprised me and made me cry!!! They celebrated his failure. It was like a badge of honor to have messed up, because you only learn from your mistakes. You don't learn the deep, working lessons in successes. On the way home from the movie, I thought that this is exactly what happened to me, not only with my pictures, but in my life lately....I have failed miserably. BUT, I am learning from my mistakes and I am not letting them get to me...I am getting to them!!!! I had to look hard at my work....look at what would make my work something that someone would want to pay for. I began instantly to work on how I was doing my work.....I had to lay down my pride...UGH!!!..I had to lay down expectations....UGH!!!! ....I had to ask for help......YIKES!!!! I am working on it now.....And on they way home from the movie, I thought that what I need to do is email this client and thank her for her honesty and for being true to herself, because it caused me to take a step forward....not sure if I will, though :). (side note:  i did :))

I am learning to desire and enjoy the hard times....it draws me closer to Him....it makes me more dependent upon Him.....it brings me to a place of dependence that I don't truly experience when things are going well......

This morning, reading the Bible to my children, we came to verse Psalm 62:9 Common people are as worthless as a puff of wind.... I don't want to be a common person.....I want to be an uncommon person.....not worthless, but priceless!!!!! This is the only way I can become an uncommon person...to walk through the hard, trying times and to embrace them!!!!

I pray for each one of us that we become UNCOMMON in our walk, in our lives!!!

xoxoxo

i LOVE my children...i am sure there are moms who really don't, but I am not one of them and I really don't know many who don't.  problem is, for me, i don't show it to them enough....sure, i read the bible with them, and clean their clothes and make sure they have good food to eat and make every possible attempt get them to bed on time, and these things speak of loving them, but when it comes to down right showing affection toward them, I fail miserably. i didn't even realize i did this until one day, a friend said something about kissing my boys....and i had this blank stare in response.  my friend repeated himself...he said, you know, when you kiss your kids....and i looked at him with sad revelation:  i don't didn't kiss my kids once they were past the infant/toddler stage.  i had to think through it as to why and realized that, because my abuse started around the 2-3 year old mark, i didn't see my children as needing {wholesome} affection from me....it seemed wrong.  i purposed that day to change things.

I went home and began kissing and hugging my kids....at first, they balked and even refused my attention. the revelation of what i had missed and what i was depriving my children of came when i kissed my oldest son~when i felt his beard under my lips, i realized that i had last kissed him as a baby and now i was kissing a man....i literally broke down in tears over that loss......i pressed on, heartbroken that this is was the result of my actions (or lack thereof).  one day, the kids were teasing me about how 'kissy' i had become.  it bothered me, but i realized i was looking for their approval and not god's...i kept on....i also had to realize that although they were talking like they didn't like it....secretly they were LOVING it....

well, 4 years later, i can say that i have become way more affectionate than i ever have been in my life....my kids still don't get all the kisses and hugs i would like to give them and probably not near enough for them to know how much i do love them (expressed in that way), but we have come soooo far....i have kids now that feel they can ask for a kiss if they need one or come up and hug me without even thinking about it.....i know this may seem peculiar to some, but it has become an act of worship for me to learn to lavishly and with abandon love on my family....

'

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be still and know that he is god......

have you ever tried to be still?  it is the ONLY way i can hear god.  one of my favorite scriptures is about how god is not in the earthquake and he is not in the fire, but he is in the gentle whisper.  I LOVE that....i expect god to speak loudly--and sometimes he does--but mostly, he speaks when i get still and press into him in my heart.  we are on a family vacation right now and i am reminded of how much planning for and taking a vacation is like purposing to have time with him....we plan far ahead so that we have saved enough money, we have to make reservations far ahead so that we get a place large enough (that we can afford) to house all of us.  I plan the food, shop, prepare the food, make sure everyone had a swimsuit--YIKES!  Then there is the packing, loading and driving...making sure everyone has enough to keep them occupied for the 13+ hour trip to the gulf.  once here, it is unpacking, cooking, keeping up with the laundry, keeping the kids safe, etc....so...if i allow this to consume me, I never get to be still and relax.  it takes so much work for us to go on vacation--just as it takes work for me to have time to be still...i have to prepare...me, my family, the day...so many things can pull on me to keep me from it....the enemy knows how to attack in this area (as I am sure he knows your weak spots) :)....i know that when i have purposed to do this....take the time to prepare to have some quiet, still time with HIM, then HE is faithful to meet me....oh, he meets me in the chaos, too...but this is where he wants me....still and quiet...in my heart...when everything else is swirling around me...it just takes work...

a growing family

yesterday was mother's day.  it was a great day and it is a reminder of how my family is growing....not necessarily in number (which is coming soon enough), but in age and what that brings with it. gone are the days of my struggling through mother's day of getting a bunch of little ones dressed and ready for church--and of course in my perfectionism and man seeking approval stage--everyone had to look alike with hair done perfectly. i made myself completely crazy with those days...there were many mother's days that i was pregnant, not feeling my best and was pretty much grumpy....i took on more than i needed to to keep my family 'looking' the part....oh, how sad that is when i think of all the energy i wasted and how hard i was on my kids, my {ex} husband AND, especially our children.

those days are gone.  I now only take care of myself and if the kids are not looking exactly like *I* would like them to look, i look the other way :) .  my deepest desire for mother's day is that we can all be together.  it does happen, but it is not easy.  with the growing family, there are times when one or another of the children can not be there, for part or any of the day.  i have one child that must go to another family and celebrate a step-mom, i have kids who have 'significant others' who must go to other families, i have kids with jobs--some being at churches--so that they must work on Sundays and another yet that works retail and must go by his assigned schedule....

one of the hardest things for me to grapple with as a mom of young adults and still young ones at home is the thought of having a family picture done, but not everyone can be there for the picture.  i tend to shy away from those pictures when all but one or two (or more) can not be there, because "we are not all here"...our family is not complete.  Now, as I say this, I realize, our family will never be the same after divorce.  it is bittersweet that our 'daddy' is not with us and has chosen that path.  it is VERY sweet that God provided a WONDERFUL man to take on the mission of my family...

i have to remind myself that early on, in the days of taking family pictures, that not all the kids were in those...the younger ones weren't even a thought at the time.  it is hard to do, but it is only the right thing to do...to take pictures of the memory and moments that God so graciously gives us....and know deep in my heart that we are ALL still family....even when others are not there.....this picture is the last picture (so far) of EVERYONE being in the same place at the same time all made up ready for pictures :)

pizza.....yummy!!!

i hope to blog in more detail about food, recipes, menus and our Wednesday night dinners we have at our home, but until then...you might have to piece it all together. Pizza is a favorite at our home...especially homemade.  I pretty much dislike hate making it because it is a little time intensive.  I have learned some ways to make it easier....here goes:

i make a HUGE recipe of dough for crusts.  this makes a ton....I am not sure exactly how much, because we make pretty large pizzas, but it does make 6 quarter sheet cookie sheet size pizzas (that's what it takes to feed us--2 of  'em).  This is why I can do it--I freeze the rest.  it makes the next time worth the work now.  i got this recipe from my sweet friend, Gail.  And, of course I have had to change it up just a bit, but not the actual recipe....what I do is--I roll the dough out, but before I put it on the pan, I put olive oil, fresh pressed garlic and salt and pepper all over the pan.  it makes the crust nice and spicy/crispy.  Next, you will need to bake the crust (be sure to poke a fork all over it to keep the air bubbles down.  When its done, ( and I intentionally didn't put a time on here--there is so much opinion about how one likes their pizza crusts) put your sauce on--now, I have found a really, cheap, great flavored sauce....we used to try to make our own, but this makes it sooo much easier...Hunts spaghetti sauce, in the traditional flavor.  We do, however, add italian seasoning to it...just a tad.....I like lots of sauce, so I slather it on.  Next comes whatever you choose on it...our faves:  cheese, black olive and veggie...Now that I am married to a meat lover, we MUST have a meat pizza, so I usually get turkey italian sausage, turkey pepperoni and hamburger (don't tell him its turkey) :).  For the veggie, I usually layer fresh spinach leaves, bell peppers, onions, tomato slices shredded carrots or anything else that we have and sounds good...

One of the things the kids have ALWAYS liked doing was making their own...now they like to make calzones and save half for lunch the next day....it makes it fun for all of us and the creativity is always encouraging to me...I need it!!!

here are some pics of our last pizza fest.  I realize you have to look sideways for the last one, but its the only way I could make it fit and it is a great image of them all done...

PIZZA CRUST

1 c hot water (120)

2 T olive oil

1T yeast

1 t sugar

1 t salt

3-3 1/2 C flour

for larger batches :)

6 c water

3/4 c olive oil

6 T yeast

2 T sugar

3 t salt

about 19 c flour--up to 21 cups if needed

the gleaners

I have this oven door that I found in Canton--its an actual door of an OLD OLD oven made out of cast iron--it would kill you if it fell from the perch I have it on (its secure)...I absolutely LOVE it and my family just does not understand why I love it so much(read: they HATE it).....I haven't really gotten it, either, until this week.  I am doing a book study on the book Nurture by Lisa Bevere....WONDERFUL book....and in one chapter, she addressed the book of Ruth and how we need mothers - not mentors and the difference....she was talking about how Naomi told Ruth to go glean from Boaz's fields and what gleaning meant....

Ruth was invited to join the group of women who gleaned exclusively in Boaz's fields until the end of the harvest.  These were the women of strength who worked diligently in his fields so that nothing would  be lost and all would be fed.  Is this not what we are looking for today--women of strength ? So many have been left behind by the harvesters because no one knew how to look for them.

gleaning is painstaking work; one has to sift through what others have cast aside.  it is to snatch from decay and see what slipped by the first pass of the harvesters

i realized why i am drawn to the oven door (as I am to the book of Ruth).  a friend of mine tells me i have learned to extract the precious from the worthless=gleaning! my picture of this is that a tornado may be spinning around you (literally or figuratively) and there are precious jewels being left in the destruction. my job is to sift through the destruction--where it looks hopeless, sometimes, and find the diamonds of hope, the jewels that God leaves for me to see HIM in it all...and it is hard work, and not all the time fun and sometimes the jewels don't look like jewels at the time.....it IS painstaking work.....it is gleaning.....that is why i LOVE this oven door SOOOOO much :)

grace and mercy

if you have ever forgotten your lunch or have a child who has forgotten their lunch, you know what a hassle it is for everyone!!  with 7 kids in school and all the forgotten things, i have run plum out of patience.  reagan had forgotten it one too many times this year when i told her, "if you forget it again, don't call me.  you will just need to do without."....well, she remembered very well.....until friday :(  she called me and hung up....called again and i could tell she was SCARED.  she said she forgot it and the teacher made her call me.  i told her i would take care of it for her.  as i was walking out the door with her lunch, God prompted me to put in some strawberries (that she had been eyeing all morning) and a little love note. when she got home from school, she had the biggest grin on her face....God then downloaded (that is the best description I have) a lesson in this...i told her...reagan, this is what grace and mercy look like.  grace is NOT getting what we deserved...in this instance, a forfeited lunch and hunger.  AND, mercy is getting what we DON'T deserve....again...the extra treat of strawberries and a love note.....

isn't that JUST what God does for us???  He shows us His grace by not giving us what we deserve and giving us what we don't.....day after day!!!!  I am so grateful for His love~grace and mercy......

what about you?  What are those times that you have NOT gotten what you did deserve and when are those times when you have been given what you didn't deserve?????

thai salad

this is one of the most refreshing salads we have at our house.  It does have a funny story--as do most of my recipes....this came from my friend, Candy Porter.  she and her husband, Kirk are amazing cooks!  They do what I have always loved to do: have something at a restaurant and uncode the recipe.  This one came from Cheesecake Factory and they shared it with me once they figured it out.  I LOVED it.  My family HATED it.  I gave up on it.  Well, I LOST the recipe.  And I didn't know that it was the only copy....ARGH!!  I felt HORRIBLE!!!  Well, fast forward about 3 years and I was doing some major cleaning and FOUND it...it had fallen behind a drawer.....well, I copied it and made it for the family--again--silly me....but this time, they LOVED it.  I can not make it enough now.  The dressing is WONDERFUL.  We run out of it everytime and still double that!!!   I'm not convinced its authentic Thai, but it sounds good ... THAI SALAD

Dressing

1/2 C. Nakano Seasoned red wine vinegar

1/4 C. sugar

1/4 C. liquid aminos

1/4 C. oil

1/2 t. sesame oil

1 tsp lime juice

1T chunky peanut butter

1T Thai Kitchen red chilie dipping sauce

Combine all ingredients and blend well....I have found that one of those blender bottles works really well for this.

3 Cups green cabbage, purple cabbage and shredded carrots (I use a slaw mix from Sam's)

1 bell pepper slivered

1/4 C. chopped green onions

1/2 - 3/4 C.  plain cashews

1 mango, slivered

1/8 c. chopped mint leaves

1/8 c. chopped cilantro

Soba or Udon noodles

Grilled chicken--I usually marinade it in teriyaki sauce for a couple of hours before grilling and then strip it like fajita meat.

Combine slaw mix with peppers, herbs and onions.  (most of the time, I leave all of it separate, so that people can put on what they like and leave off what they don't)

Place noodles on plate and top with slaw and  chicken.  Sprinke with cashews and mango. Drizzle dressing on top

the power of the cross

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After reading facebook statuses yesterday morning, I was a little disheartened.  See, they, for the most part proclaimed the resurrection of Jesus.  I just wasn't feeling it....I know I am not to follow or trust my feelings, but I was a little overcome with the fact that I didn't SEE the power of God in my life. I prayed that He would show me His power and that I would recognize His hand in my life.  I  decided to venture out to Commerce, where I grew up.  

I drove through town and on to the house I spent most of my growing up in.  This house has so many memories for me--and they are not at all good.  You see, I was being sexually abused almost daily in this home and no one outside of our home knew it (well, it was obvious SOMEthing was going on, but more on that later).  I got out and walked around the house. It was about 100 years old when I lived in it (35 years ago) and it was falling down then.  Someone has now taken the job of trying to preserve it.  The doors and most of the windows were boarded up and it was completely ramshackled.  As I thought about the different rooms, and the goings on in those rooms, I was overcome with how horrific what I lived through was.  I was basically my step-father's wife for the 13 years he and my mom were married.  Not only physically, but emotionally and practically speaking: I was responsible for all household duties--from cooking, to cleaning, to grocery shopping and laundry.

Living this kind of life has many, many repercussions.  I had no self worth, I was trying to survive, I had no hope.  And I lived like it.  I realized walking around the property, that I have several girls the ages I was during all of this and my heart just broke--for the little girl who never got to be a little girl. For the loss of innocence.  For the decisions I made with those kind of sack clothes thrown over me.  For the judgement I received for those decisions.  For no one seeing the actions as they were meant to be: a cry for help.

We left there, my heart heavy, but grateful for the life I now live.  I got home and decided to go to the Saturday night Easter Celebration.  We began our worship time and I was overcome with the revelation of what God has done for me....taken me from the pit of hell and death to the resurrected life I now live.  The focus scripture was 1 corinthians 1:18: "for the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."  Our pastor went on to tell about how when Peter cut off the ear of one of the soldiers coming to get Jesus.  Jesus put the ear back on....and...this is what knocked me over....erased any and all evidence that it had ever happened--WOW!!!

The power of the cross--the resurrection power of Jesus--took me out of my prison, healed my broken heart, changed the sack cloths for joy, turned my mourning into dancing and erased all evidence that I had ever walked in sin and shame.

This morning, I was listening to worship music....this song came on...it has always been special to me, but today, it brought a new picture to mind.  I saw Jesus singing over that sad, little girl, whose heart was being ripped apart daily....I didn't know it then, but His power was at work even then....Lord, I'm amazed by YOU!!!

pretty vs. beautiful

I have a friend that tells me on occasion that I need to stop being pretty so that I can be beautiful. I really have not understood what this meant. At times I was even offended.....I must admit. I got the awesome opportunity to see what he was telling me and want to encourage you by sharing it with you.  As a mom, I must say, I have 9 of the most awesomely wonderful and beautiful children. We have been in a tough place as a family, and my children have been feeling the stress and pain of it all.  I have six daughters, who are strikingly beautiful. One in particular though.....she is very reserved, quiet, and not expressive in her emotions at all. Yesterday, I called her to me for something and I could tell she had been crying. I had to press in and dig a little, but once I did, the flood gates opened.....she began weeping--uncontrollably.  It was in that moment that I saw pretty vs. beautiful. I got to witness the beauty of grief, pain, and sorrow. Then I saw the beauty of cleansing and of peace. I saw the most beautiful sight in my daughter in that moment. Was she pretty?  No....not in the world's terms....But she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in that moment.  Now, in my weakness, I want to tell her it will be okay, and to not cry.....it is uncomfortable to see someone in pain, and to allow them to show the emotion of that pain. I am learning to embrace the pain that life brings. I am learning to allow those around me to express how God made them to express their emotions.There will be women in our lives that are in great pain. They have been told it is not good to show emotion. They have been told they need to look 'pretty'. If I have the opportunity to, and I pray that I do.....I want to encourage anyone I may come in contact with to be beautiful. To cry, to be themselves, to allow God to show them who they really are. It is very uncomfortable to watch someone in pain. It is also very comforting when I am in pain, to have someone to hold me and to cry with me. I want to be free enough toallow someone to cry out in their pain and to cry with them. I want the beauty that God has placed in me to be expressed and shared with others walking through the same pain. I know that is what God wants of you, too!!!!  Don't be pretty, be beautiful!!!!